I LEFT FACEBOOK
Last week Facebook logged me out, mysteriously claiming that my session expired. Facebook has never logged me out before. On my way back in, it asked me if I would like to update my name.
Now, some context is needed here; my Facebook name has - up until then - been Benjamin Franklin. I’m not sure whether they were alerting everyone about their name or if they just found my use of pseudonym to be unacceptable.
Nonetheless, it just so happened that I was thinking of updating my Facebook name to my real one for a while, so taking this is a serendipitous opportunity, I clicked on "Update". I put in my real first name and left the middle and last names as Benjamin and Franklin. I then clicked to continue, and was faced with a page that asked me to upload a picture of my ID card to prove that this is in fact, me.
What.
The.
Fuck.
Despite this ridiculously bouncer-like offense, it was ever so kind as to offer me several options of ID uploads; either 1 government ID, 2 non-government IDs, or 3 non-government IDs where at least one of them has your photo and a date of birth that matches your Facebook profile. At least one ID has you have a photo that matches your Facebook pictures of yourself, and all IDs had to match each other in name and date of birth (which is fine), but that name should also match the one you just entered.
My initial outrage about this was neutralized when I read that you can cover your ID number and any other legal identification codes on these cards, however, I didn’t understand why I had to use my full, legal name or match my ID photo to my Facebook one!
Firstly, I’m not one of the select few who look like themselves on ID cards - the shoot always casts a murderous light on my dark circles and it would take more that the Facebook face detect feature to match that with my profile.
Secondly, what if I don’t have photos of myself uploaded and just didn't want Facebook to have a picture of my face?![1]
After a few minutes of confusion, rage, bemusement, and finally regret, I decided to not change my name after all. Maybe this can all be avoided if I just retrace my steps and call it a day.
No.
There was no button to go back, cancel, discontinue, or any other synonym of the sort. I tried logging out, but it would only log me back in to the same page, I tried forgetting my password but it would still take me there after I reset it, I even tried pretending that that wasn’t me, but after it confirmed against my emails, it still took me to that page.
I was stuck, and what followed was a very unexpected existential crisis:
...why is this happening to me? What about all my contacts[2]? And all my events[3]? And the news? This is the only place where I have this many friends[4]! I don’t even talk to most of them… What if I just close my account? But then I won’t have any friends! But I don’t post much anyway… but I have to know what is going on! what if I want to talk to someone who I can’t reach otherwise? But I waste so much time here! Maybe this is better for me… What if I need someones help? Will I be ok? Will anyone notice that I’m gone?!
This went on for 25 minutes. Eventually, I decided to see if I can spend a week without Facebook, and if I don’t survive then I will begrudgingly upload an ID. But if I do survive, then I will terminate my account honorably.
It has now been a week, and I have done neither. To be honest, I think I need more time. I haven’t faced any real problems being off of Facebook beyond the possibility of missing out on some of the events [I don't go to] because I can’t see the event pages or get the reminders. Though I’m sure that the longer I’m not on it the more problems I will face, until I learn to re-purpose my internet usage to include all the things that I relied on Facebook to see, (or be shown).
I’m bound to forget all the birthdays of the people I never speak to though, and I might never again see all the dumb shit that stupid bitch does, but oh well. When it really comes down to it, all these social connections are tangential to Facebook, and it’s a surprise that that’s a surprise. I didn't want to see that shit in the first place.
I've concluded that being on Facebook absolutely fucks what ‘being on the internet’ should/can be like, and even though I cannot yet define what to “absolutely fuck” entails, I can safely say that it is the reason I was always reluctant to be active on Facebook and why much of Facebook's content is an utter waste of time.
Anyway, leave me some love if you enjoyed the read. Leave me some comments if you have things to say.
[1] This is a particularly common problem in the Arab world, where many people - especially girls - do not want to be identified as their ‘real life’ selves.
[2] We do not call them ‘friends’ when you’re in your 20s.
[3] At any point in time, I'm usually 'going' to an average of three simultaneous events.
[4] Maybe we do.
#socialmedia #facebook #leavingfacebook #internet #space
@ellowrites
