it's funny bc i
- am pessimistic and self-loathing
- push people away and make people who do like me hate me
- take pleasure in basically nothing
- don't have anything going on in my life that makes me happy
but i don't...i mean i still like living?? even tho nothing good is happening i still have this vision of a cute apartment one day and being an activist and having a boyfriend and real friends who i like and who like me? idk???