I was expecting you to react like that, that you do not take into account my feelings, that you do not mind. You're not the first to do that and you will not be the last. You want to have what you want and it's normal, the human being is like that.
In fact, you remind me of what I was in the past. A stupidly in love person who wants to be taken seriously and possibly loved in return ... And that makes me sick because now I feel like the wrong girl. I feel like this guy who could not answer my feelings but on one side did not want to let me go! I feel like this indecisive asshole who does not know what he wants! And you, you're ready to accept everything from me. Because you "love me" ...
But what do you like about me? I am simply a manipulative loner with a tendency to love destroying everything around me. I can not stand being loved because I know people do not love me for me. They love me for what I show them about me.
You will never be able to understand me, which is logical since:
1) I do not want anyone to understand me
2) You are not me.
I know that.
When I'm alone, I tend to want someone who loves me. But when this person manifests, I do not want it! I like the hope of a relationship and imagine it. I can not stand it to come true and when it does, it makes me sick!
In fact, I am just a depressed girl with a tendency to self-destruction. I hate myself, I think that I have no reason to be alive and that my birth is a mistake. I like to belittle myself. I like to see the world falling around me. I like to tell myself that I do not deserve to be alive, that my existence is a mistake and that I am the worst person ever!
I like the idea that I am a monster, an abject person! It makes me feel good. That's why I hate when someone loves me because it tries to break that image I have of me. She thinks she understands me, helps me and makes my life better. But this person is always wrong! Because I like being like that, I like to be unhappy ... It's MY happiness!
The very idea that I am a good person disgusts me! The very idea of what you think is a good life, happiness disgusts me! All that makes me want to throw up! To hurt. It is an irrepressible need that I must fill to be satisfied and happy.
I want to see you suffer! But on one side, no ...
I will tell you the truth. I want to make you hope. That you love me even more, to go out with you. But only to be able to hurt you a maximum before disappearing!
Because you give me the impression that you are happy. That's the case where not, I do not care! And if you tell me that's not the case, if you want to talk to me about the wounds you hide, I do not care too! I do not want to know anything about you because you do not give me any interest!
You are a danger! A danger for my personal comfort and the frozen universe that I created myself! My brain shouted at me relentlessly to kill you because, for him, you are the enemy to kill.
In spite of all that I have just said, I am sure that you will tell me that you love me and that you are ready to accept me "As I am". So I'm going to ask you a few questions:
What do you know about me?
What do you like about me?
What are you waiting for?
Why do you want to be with me? What am I bringing you?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO OFFER ME?
Nobody can answer his questions, not even me, so I'm sure you will not be able to.
But go ahead, since you love me ...