How I long to be comfortable in the layers of my flesh
Afraid of eating because I'm working toward a goal
But each day I exercise, I doubt my progression that much more
If I eat it now, would that be as bad as eating it later?
What time should I eat it?
How late is too late for a snack
To take my mind away from the craving?
Having a goal
Yet not knowing if it's truly attainable
Because all that I think I want to become, I already am
And westernized standards of beauty polluting my conception of self-love
Lately, I've been practicing daily self care
Trusting my walk
&Thinking more positively
But I can't help when the sad thoughts come back around
Telling me all I've done
And all that I'm doing
Is of no help for my complex genetic compilation
Wanting to blame my epigenetic bloating on the Chem Trails
Or my undiagnosed eating disorder
Or my unmedicated OCD
But I'll keep cleansing, drinking my protein shakes and soy milk, eating light meats and vegan, substituting my butter for coconut oil, drinking my apple cider vinegar, cutting my carbs, drinking more water and juice
I'll keep praying to see results and an end to these daunting thoughts