Oh hey there. You’re new right? What am I talking about, of course you are! Everyone who comes through this office is new.
I can see you’re edgy. It’s okay. Take a load off. It’s going to get better now, depending on how you see it.
You’re dead! Yep. You sure are. Dead as a door knob. Dead as dragon-slain knight. Dead as a stillborn baby.
I can see that you’re shocked. You shouldn’t be. Yours is pretty self-explanatory, what with your seriously unhealthy lifestyle. The heart attack was what finally did you in. You don’t remember? I guess it happened really quick, or rather you mostly felt pain from the tiredness of jogging. You should have had your epiphany sooner, that way you could have enjoyed a few years of being slim before you died.
You’re lucky in that sense. You knew you deserved death, right? I know you know. Others here aren’t so lucky. They all felt the same way. “My kids are so young!”, “I still have many dreams to fulfil!” and yada yada yada. They all mostly died from freak accidents. One in a million chances kind of thing.
You look confused. I am sorry. It’s just that I’ve been at this job for so long that explaining this over and over is so cumbersome, and boring!
If only God didn’t make that god damn rule.
You look shocked again. No, it’s not using his name in vain. God doesn’t give a crap. He merely wants efficiency here in heaven. He needs it to work like clockwork. It’s like a factory.
So anyway, God made the rule that every newcomer here has to know fully why he or she died and what they are here for.
You look pleased. Ahh, I wish I still had that sense of wonder, to want to know the answers to the big questions. When I first heard them, I was pretty much in awe. Oh wait. I came from a different time. Our answers will differ. Man, you’re one lucky person! I was a Jew. I died just so I could fight.
You look even more confused now. Okay! I’ll get to it.
The only reason why you died on Earth is because you’re needed here in heaven. For what exactly? I don’t know. We’ll find you a job soon.
Yes. Job. You’re here to work. You’re here to work for the angels. So honestly, without sounding too philosophical, whether heaven is actually hell or the other way around entirely depends on who you work for.
Heaven is a planet you see. And the angel race rules it.
You look… I don’t know what you look like now. It’s pretty funny actually. I get it! Most of us had a hard time understanding.
Yes, heaven is a planet, just like all the other planets God created. God however, is an overly ambitious person, or dare I say, nutjob. Oh, he’s a nice guy. He loves us and everything, but he’s just too busy these days. Ahh, those were the days, when prayers were actually answered.
Earth was his first creation. No kidding! We were the first! You should be honoured. He was really proud, extending an entirely elaborate backstory for us. Cool huh?
We were honestly one of the best races, even better than the angels, so much so we became self-sufficient. We didn’t need him anymore.
He got bored. And so he proceeded to create a bunch of other planets. I am not sure when heaven and the angels came, but it certainly was convenient since it fitted nicely in the storyline.
You look intrigued. Alas, I am sorry. Here comes the bad part.
God was too busy tending to his other planets. I heard Mars was a complete failure. That’s why it’s this red mess now. It kept imploding or something. Sorry, I am rambling. Anyway, God neglected a lot of his new planets. He was just too busy. The angels, now they’re one hell of a snobby race, what with their constant singing, wanting to look good with their glorious wings and halos and ugh, their need for company.
The angels actually protested to God, with many songs. Ironic, I know.
God was too busy then. And so, the story arcs overlapped perfectly for his convenience. God willed it such that any human who dies on planet Earth will be sent to heaven. Sounds great? Yeah, but here’s the twist: God then gave the angels free will, over us.
You look keen. I know it’s a bit much now. I know it sounds decent, since this isn’t hell right? Wrong. Hell is a planet too, but I heard it’s pretty rocking. Lucifer is doing really well for himself I heard. He’s the entrepreneur. He was smart enough to quickly take up the offer and leave. Now he’s pretty much like a god himself too!
Anyway, the angels have free will. For whatever purpose, an angel can look upon Earth at anytime, make a human die for his or her own need. It’s like shopping. What am I talking about. It is shopping!
So, that’s why people die you know?
None of us could ever explain it back home. Who could have? Everything we tried to come up with back then was simply to make ourselves feel less scared about what’s coming next.
You still look keen. But listen up, this is why we really die.
A little child sick with cancer? It was because an angel here wanted to see what it’s like to be a parent. Angels cannot reproduce, so there. The would-be parent angel just picked what they wanted. The cancer was mercy. It allowed the kid to live a little longer.
A young adult who died in a freak car accident? Maybe an angel just broke up here and wanted a rebound. I’ve seen that.
Me? I was part of a war here! One of the alien races from one of the other planets somehow evolved so fast that they found heaven. The angels were not happy and they went to war. They needed manpower. That’s why us six million jews died. It was all orchestrated because God valued a good story. Oh I got out okay. You can’t die again apparently. That’s the sucky part.
Then there’re countless others who die just because the angels need a house cleaned, a farm taken care of, entertainment, server, dancer, caretaker, somebody to talk to, lover, husband, wife or even pet.
So there’s that! I was re-assigned this right after the war. All I do is explain. I do enjoy seeing the looks of enlightenment, but I hope for a change soon.
You and I, we always have to watch each others’ back okay? We’re the same. One love, as your time said.
I hope your assignment isn’t as bad as the unlucky ones. If anything, with more us here, we stand a better chance of starting that revolution. Word is going around.
Good luck brother.
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