Happy Monday, Constant Reader. Let's hope to attack the week with gusto and a sense of wild abandon.
It was a weekend full of emotional talks, about the gift of solitude and how my movie senses were still tingling.
Saturday afternoon, after a night wrought full of bugs, confusion and shitty F-train service, the boyflesh and I talked through our nervousness about moving on and trying to remain in each other's lives. "I have never been jealous about you being around other people, since I trust you, but it seems to keep growing..." He mumbled, as I held him close. His grey-blue eyes filling to burst with tears. "I have never been this jealous before. I won't lie to you that I will seriously envy the next person you date... or marry." But, at the end of the day, we didn't fit. He wants a family, I want to travel and explore before I settle down. He wants to marry within his faith, I couldn't give a shit about all that. I want to go out to see and do new things, he's afraid to change his routine. He loves and adores me but he's not attracted to me. It's the personality that he would love to wrap around him in a security blanket for all of his days, but I can't do that anymore.
It wasn't fair to both of us.
I took an early exit on Saturday to think about what the hell I meant to people. What I actually meant to people and had a weird moment with myself.
What am I to people? Do I not, behind my mask of quips, factoids and dry wit, have a heart? Am I allow to ache, to yearn, to just simply want? Why was I resigned to a life where I'm a emotional stuffed animal for people to use? Do I not deserve actually affection and love? Has this been why I've felt like a tomato in the mirror, since I'm slowly losing my grip with other people and things?
Am I fated to be a charismatic sad clown?
Fast forward to last night during a screening of Us.
Four things to take away from last night:
Sometimes, it's hard to get last minute people to have last minute fun. It was after my own asking of a movie buddy I came to realize that I'M the go-to person for last minute shit. I'm that reliable person that can be counted on for last minute stuff, since fuck all if I have anything better to do, right? Wacky, good ol' Dom. I wonder if I should change that. I'm sick of a narrative that I'm temporarily stuck with.
Going to the movies with people who don't know your routine is odd. I like to get there early, post up with snacks and make sure to get all of my business done before the movie starts. Most like to just walk in during the previews, most like to come in right when the movie starts. So, going with my sister is great, but odd.
Us is the most decent Twilight Zone movie that has ever grace the big screen. Also, I called the twist earlier, since it was glaringly obvious in the trailer and in the posters that the particular twist was coming. And sure enough, just as [REACTED FOR SPOILERS, GO SEE THE MOVIE IF YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT], the words "I knew it" left my mouth. Great execution, great dialogue, but that twist? Not bad. It's weird when everyone but you doesn't see that it's glaringly obvious.
The world is a funny shape after midnight. Even funnier after a late movie. Especially after a Jordan Peele movie about [REACTED AGAIN, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THE MOVIE POLICE AFTER ME] and it screws with your head in a way.
What keeps you going after a weekend of soul searching and complexity about how you come across to people, Constant Reader? What makes it finally want to go after want you actually want in life? Is it your time, your time up here? Have you gotten the chance to see Us?
What is your truest self, after hiding behind a mask painted with the bravest smile?
#writing #ellowrites #Us #JordanPeeleisadecentfilmmaker