my brother's long-time girlfriend broke up with him. apparently she said all the things people say: not getting her "needs" met, "warned him" she wasn't happy (last june apparently -- go figure), loves him "but not in love" with him, etc.
where do they teach this shit? is there like a little script that gets handed out in school? or a brochure? did i miss that day?
Peeling the Bandaid Slowly: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Yourself Feel Better About a Breakup While Pretending to Care About Your Ex
he's reeling, of course. they weren't engaged, but i think he felt it was heading that way. apparently they had a very nice valentine's day. then at the end of february, they were both here for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. she stood in the formal family picture we had made.
this was just a couple weeks ago. if bitch was really unhappy -- you know, because she "warned him" nine months ago, which would suggest she's had her doubts this whole time (bullshit!) -- maybe don't step into a picture commemorating your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend's parents' half-a-century of marriage.
or maybe -- and this is a real mind-bender -- don't even let your boyfriend fly you home from california at all. don't even go to a family celebration. say you have to work. say you wouldn't feel comfortable. or even -- SHOCKER! -- tell the fucking truth.
my folks like erring on the side of inclusion. as a kid, ours was the house where everyone played. this young woman apparently even remarked how we're like a tv family (or something like that that). my folks didn't mind having her in the picture. their attitude is, if things had ended next year, or in a divorce down the road, well... it happens. you can't predict the future.
but two weeks later? come on, girlie...
we'll have her removed from the photo. it's not the biggest deal in the world. everyone's just kind of peeved at the level of selfishness. it would seem one of her "needs" is to not have to think about how her actions might affect other people.
you know what? now that i think about it, i'm not getting my "needs" met either. because i really need to bitch-slap this person. but i won't. because that's how life goes. personally, i follow george carlin (paraphrasing the buddha): "if you're not getting your needs met... drop some of your needs."
not that there aren't bad relationships. i got out of an abusive one. but you know what? when i separated from my wife, i went to visit my sister-in-law and her husband. then i drove my ass from washington, DC to dayton, OH specifically to tell her parents in person. my wife and i were still married, after all, which made them family. i felt i owed it to them, versus just sort of slinking away.
and let me tell you, neither of those conversations was fun. it would have been easier and a lot less painful to just say "fuck it." but fully adult people exhibit consideration and respect for others. it's not everyone else's job to accommodate your fucking "needs."
okay... i'm done now.