The best thing that happened, believe it or not, was to know that you never love me back. It really hurts, it burns. I've wet countless pillowcases since this weekend, but I feel free.
All the signs that my mind created in the function of my heart in love, disappeared. What made sense, now I see that it doesn't. All the theories that I created to anesthetize my pain to knowing deep down that you are never really care about me but the sex and a passtime, now it seems insane to me. They are all gone, and it burns like sneezing lemon in the eyes, or perhaps worse. And believe me - I know how it hurts to sneeze lemon in the eyes. But at least I'll stop, even if little by little, to carry this.
You see, I don't think it's possible to not carry you with me. Someday in the future, I will think of you and it won't burn anymore, but I will think about you. I'll just stop to carry with me the endless possibilities, ideas and daydreams about you. And I feel lighter.
I never imagined that my release would come from someone other than you, much less that it would come from your relationships' circle. But I also would never have the courage to ask you that. Because deep down, I knew I didn't want this coming from you.
I do not hate you, I can not. Because I still love you. I don't think love ends, it changes. And I hope you change from a painful to a sweet memory, so that I can catch myself smiling when I see us on my neural lines. But I also feel sorry, because I know what it's like to be stuck in the past, stuck with someone who hurts you and not being able to move on.
I hope someday you will succeed, as I have. And I made it because of you, so I wish you to meet someone who represents to you, what you represented to me. Despite all this pain, regret, sometimes anger, sometimes missing you, my thank you very much.
Just as you're losing the love that I loved the most, she lost the love that you loved the most. I'm sorry for us, I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for me. I'm sorry.
— with still love,
to the biggest regret of my life.
#poetry #ellowrites #poem #english