Sometimes I find intense guilt when I allow myself to succumb to societal pressures to live an inauthentic experience.
Today I blamed the absurdity of a "policy" (it could be real, it could be "real," it could not be real, I've never read it in print, but it has been verbalized to me) on a supervisor instead of willingly accepting the brunt for refusing to do something for a customer. It was easy, extraordinarily so, and it felt entirely wrong about it.
I feel like I'm trying as hard as I can right now, but I know it's no where near my capabilities. My energy feels like it is being sapped and I am unsure of the source.