The Writer’s Block Of It All
I spent like 45 minutes trying to think of a title for this post but I didn’t ever come up with anything good not that the titles are ever usually good so I don’t know why I felt so compelled to just sit and think and try to let my mind roam for a title. Like usually the title is just a passing thought I have that is semi-relevant to my life at the very moment I begin writing but I guess today I felt like having standards for myself or something. Actually the only real thought I had was wow I’m in the mood to play volleyball too bad I probably won’t get to play until Sunday which sucks cause I wanna play today!!!! Right now immediately!!!! I sucked it up and hit the volleyball groupme with a who wants to play tonight but I think it’s gonna be a bust because we never play on the weekdays anymore. But anyway, these are boring volleyball stories let me move on to actual interesting volleyball stories. This past Sunday I got to play volleyball and then after I went to watch Jack and friends play their sand IM playoffs game because it was an excuse to continue hanging out with them i.e. hanging out with Jack lmao but also I had a chocolate cake that needed help getting finished so I said I would bring it and feed it to them. So this plan had a couple parts to it, one being first slowly offering chocolate cake to a couple building up to the climax of telling Jack that there would be chocolate cake at his IM game in 30 minutes to which he was floored. Just pure enthusiasm at the fact that there would be cake at the game. I have been such an experience for the volleyball kids ever since I carefully and calculatedly started playing with them. Like, who held down being funny when I wasn’t there first year????? Who brought the actual comedy with them????? But anyway, I got everyone excited about chocolate cake which was phase one of this plan and then phase two was taking it a step further and becoming team mom which is my favorite role to play obviously obviously. The last time I got to play team mom was last semester during a different IM season but this time I had to make it really sexy. So the first step was ripping my contacts out and putting my glasses back on because I am truly nothing without my glasses. And then I had to decide on what kind of pants to wear but obv limited options given that I just got sweaty as fuck playing volleyball so I went with some black joggers you know mom can keep it cool and sexy and modern but what the fuck was I gonna do about my shirt????? So I’m digging around like which t shirt can I wear that still serves a look but also really embodies that afterhours I’m just relaxing with my blunt but I still look way too good without the effort look and you know who I find? Kool Aid man. Ever since he helped me serve it at Khalid I have always trusted him. We trust Kool Aid man. So the final outfit was Kool Aid man crop top with black joggers which took me longer than it should have to put together but you know what I got all the effort I put in back out when I got to the sand courts.
So I’m driving to the sand courts with my urban outfitters reusable cloth bag in which I shoved some napkins and plastic forks and chocolate cake as well as some water bottles and gum just in case they were either thirsty or had hot breath either way I had the cure to all their ailments. So I roll up 15 minutes late because I had to feed myself before I could feed them and they were winning obv and so I get there and to my genuine surprise I got a compliment about my shirt from so many of them????? Like I knew Jack had a Kool Aid man shirt so it was already topical but I didn’t realize all of the other volleyball kids were such big fans of Kool Aid man? I’m just still confused as to why they have all chosen Kool Aid man as a character they are such fans of like what led to their collective group decision to like Kool Aid man to the point where each of them would of their own accord tell me nice shirt. Is it because Jack has a Kool Aid man shirt? Or did he also find out the first time he wore his Kool Aid man shirt that all of them liked the Kool Aid man? I mean I just think it’s kind of a random character to be a fan of like don’t get me wrong was I serving a deconstructed Khalid concert outfit look? Yes. But did I expect the response to be so overwhelmingly receptive of Kool Aid man as opposed to the forward thinking crop top I had on? No. I’m just honestly still trying to wrap my head around the response. Also apparently Jack has two Kool Aid man shirts, they’re just different colors. I learned of this fact on Sunday. But again, back to this immediate crowd pleasing shirt I had on like damn maybe I should be getting more Kool Aid man apparel like maybe this is how it starts for each one of them maybe everyone who becomes friends with them ends up owning multiple Kool Aid man items and then just genuinely becomes a fan to the point where they will compliment other Kool Aid man apparel. I just don’t really understand. So that happened, that was a big part of Sunday to be honest. I had a long conversation with Amar about this later that night. But then there was the cake, the original reason I was slated to join them at the sand courts. Actually, before that I gave people water and everyone was like wow thank you and also I explicitly got to make the team mom joke again just to really solidify myself in that role. Jack is a big fan of that joke which is endearing. But you know what’s even more endearing is me literally feeding him cake, three pieces of cake. Like I brought the napkins and was just handing out pieces of cake and then it came Jack’s turn and he was like just feed it to me and so that’s how we broke that barrier. And then he came back for seconds and thirds because I baked a legitimately good chocolate tahini cake and also because he probably has a bottomless pit for a stomach so that’s how I intimately fed Jack chocolate cake on the sand courts, doesn’t matter that we were hanging out in a group setting the important is again as always me directly feeding this boy chocolate cake thrice. Thrice. Anyway, if anyone can explain why all of my volleyball friends are such big fans of Kool Aid man comment below thanks.
Anyway, last night my mom gave me a call because I told her I went to Student Health to get my stye checked out and then she asked me to send a pic and then I guess the picture compelled her to call me but also she hadn’t called me in a while so it was due time for a little check in. The stye stuff is boring, I’ve had persistent ones before in 10th grade when I was really ugly and now it’s back trying to make me ugly again but you know what I’m not the same anxious little gay I was in 10th grade anymore so this stye doesn’t scare me. I’m not scared of blocked oil glands!!! Okay well that was a bold statement like I am scared of them but this one cannot bring me down like let me stay humble still though. So she’s just talking to me about shit and then my sister is there at the kitchen table with her and she’s like tell her about your new cat and, almost as if I could have foreseen this exact moment happening the minute I put a snap of Mango the infamous outdoor cat of UVA/14th St/JPA now I guess??? on my story, my mom just responded in pure shock and even further she began to blame the stye on my eye on Mango which is one an extremely rude claim seeing as Mango would never do anything so malicious and two I had this stye before Monday when Mango came to hang out for a couple hours. But also this is very textbook of my mother to immediately blame all animals for anything bad. I mean really just an extension of her paranoia of the entire world being out to kill, maim, or critically injure us. Shouldn’t stick my hand out of the window of a car while it’s driving because what if another car drives by too close too fast and I lose my hand, shouldn’t eat the cheese at the preschool graduation ceremony because the children made the cheese and fruit skewers and children are dirty therefore cheese is dirty (this is the infamous cheese story in abbreviated form), shouldn’t drink boba because it’s made of plastic and it’ll give you cancer, shouldn’t go thrifting because other people are dirty (actually this one is partially true I would def wash thrift store clothing prior to wearing it), shouldn’t eat Chinese food cause they chop up their old wooden chopsticks and throw it in their stir fry, etc etc etc. My mother’s paranoia knows no bounds and her ability to always find external malignant force acting upon my life amazes me every time. But also this one felt out of line seeing as I love Mango and my mother should not have made such inflammatory claims. But that’s all I had to say about that. I just wanted to formally acknowledge the fact that my mom blamed a cat I met on Monday for a stye I’ve had prior to Monday. Also if anyone would like to lance my stye for me hmu cause I’m bored of waiting for it to go away on its own also like I might see Jack at the volleyball game tomorrow so it’s time I get back to full power. Time is of the essence. Comment below inquiries about lancing my stye as well thanks.
I think that’s all for today. This one wasn't that funny but the Sunday story probably would have been more exciting if the rest of my life would calm the fuck down and give me time to write more closely to the actual happening of it. But also I am much more in the mood to bake a cake right now so I’m gonna go pick up some almond extract and raspberries for that. Also think maybe there is some new pressure now that I have such a gigantic following. It may take me a couple of iterations before I am back in my Comfort Zone on my blog but as always, stay tuned for the drama of it all.