Been Getting Some Solid Eight Hours of Sleep Recently
I guess like happy syllabus week? But that’s over, it’s been over but what do you call the second week when every class is still trying to start turning the gears but there’s still a lull in actual work have we collectively defined this yet let me know. Anyway, this post was def supposed to come out like last Friday or this weekend like I had been thinking about it for so long I had so many new stimuli going to class for the first time last week like what a rush even just seeing professors for the first time like……………… teach or talk or do anything like I want to see it all. Granted, I am taking a class again with one professor from last semester but she’s funny and me and Lindsey are chill she’s super cool I got an A in her class last semester she’s my advisor like we’re friends I know she watches Insecure HBO like there’s a level of relationship here beyond teacher student like cute I love it. One time she told me about peach season cause she lived in Georgia growing up and I said I liked baking pies like cute. Also she’s pretty funny or not funny like let me not inflate this idea of Lindsey but she has a sense of humor like she called Intro to Geotechnical Engineering dirt class like that’s funny and she’s calling Solid Waste Management trash class like I’m here for you and the levity you bring because fuck we could just talk about trash and stay really professional and never call it trash but that shit is trash like the raccoons don’t go through my solid municipal waste they go through my trash like dejargonize your teaching how radical go Lindsey. Love that girl. Anyway, I think my other favorite professor of the semester is going to be my Water Resources Engineering professor and his name is Johnathan and basically he just shared his anxiety with us on the first day of class and that’s why I decided I like him as a professor. He was explaining how he doesn’t cold call on kids in class because he remembers as a student in undergrad just always being nervous in class because he didn’t want to get called on or even if he did know shit like who the fuck wants to be cold called and I was moved. A professor has never been able to move me like that since then I wanted to just raise my hand and trade anxieties with him like fuck what else Johnathan we can’t have real learning in this classroom if we all have our walls up so like can we dig deeper? I’m down if you’re down like at one point do we get to turn our STEM classroom spaces into healing and true relationship building spaces instead of corporatized education ones it could be here and now Johnathan hey do you wanna be on my blog listserv we might have a lot in common how often do you journal I find it pretty nice to write down my thoughts in bullet journal sometimes what about you like do you have a journal or do you prefer some other method? Something like that. So I’m a fan of Johnathan so far. I’m hoping tomorrow he opens up some more in class and I’m not trying to set emotional labor expectations on him but like I’m a fan I hope for more earnest comments from Johnathan in the coming semester. Hopefully he’s gay, that would make me happy too. I mean that would make me happy about most of my professors but I already like Johnathan we’re trying to stack his scorecard now you know?
Anyway, real dietary changes are currently underway with this new semester. I got back from winter break and looked on top of the fridge and there sat our two Costco sized boxes of oatmeal, I mean one of which is more than half empty which is why there’s a second one on top of the fridge now like I’m not just going around buying steel cut oats for no reason like one is on its way out or rather has been on its way out for a while now but has, at least last semester, really slowed in its consumption. Basically, this semester I’m trying to eat more oatmeal cause I like oatmeal. As far as breakfast foods go, oatmeal screams fun to me. Ever since middle school when I would watch my dad just throw random shit in his oatmeal like peanuts or almonds just whole fucking peanuts that were salted too maybe he cut up half a banana and urge me to put the banana in mine too like I can’t imagine what you can’t throw in oatmeal and again, that screams fun to me. I dunno about you but what’s not fun about getting to craft your fuckin breakfast like that? So fast forward to senior year high school and I got my wave of overnight breakfast miracles early and I was making chia seed pudding and obviously obviously I found myself a couple of overnight oats recipes. That’s the natural progression of getting into making your own breakfast the night before. So I’m a big fan of overnight oats, honestly my preferred method of eating oatmeal at this point. I used to just carry around a quart sized mason jar senior year and eat a little bit of my oatmeal in whatever class. Couple of scoops in Latin to keep me going, don’t remember my schedule to tell you what class happened next but I’d eat some of it there too and then by lunch I’d have like 50-60% of my quart of oatmeal left and then I’d kill it at lunch and high school me had a wildly out of control appetite but overnight oats never left me wanting more. Cold oatmeal in a jar is so fucking good. So basically I’ve started to eat oatmeal more. Currently on a little overnight oats kick. I was eating it in a jar in the class I TA for and one of the other TAs was like omg that’s so cute I love it and I was like yeah you think you love it but I live it. I’m kinda just not a fan of her in general but that’s not the point no negativity 2k18 the point is that one time I was high and I wanted oatmeal and so I got out one of our small mason jars and made myself a little pint of oatmeal in a jar and ate it and I lived. I also finally went ahead and wrote some new year resolutions in my bullet journal but they’re honestly not very good and most are tangible goals or tasks I want to do within the next few months lmao but I like the grandeur of new year resolutions and one of them is to eat more oatmeal so I’m crushing that one. That’s a 2018 mood. Oatmeal.
Today is in fact Monday which means yesterday was Sunday under our current structuring of time so I got to play volleyball yesterday always very exciting. I played pretty well? Kind of was ass at hitting last night well hitting hard I was hitting spots (unintentionally?) this is all too masc for this blog anyway so Jack was there last night too which like yeah yay fun but honestly, the infatuation continues to wane. Is it contradictory to say that and then proceed to write about him lmao no because in fact I could write extensively on my thoughts about any of my friends so back on topic I think I sometimes judge the weight of my infatuation based on the frequency of my fantasizing like for me that’s probably the only consistent metric I can really use. If my fantasies have a lot of structure and realism built in then I’m probably in kinda deep but if my fantasies are fleeting or only picture moments of affection that I want then I’m really not that deep in it’s just me notifying myself that I kind of want some affection in some certain form right now. So the fantasy world built around me and Jack is crumbling right now which, like, devastating because there goes half the comedy for this blog. There goes half the comedy of my life like what the fuck am I supposed to do without some unattainable straight boy crush??????? What made up spice will my life have now????? Nothing obviously but you know on the other hand I’m now just enjoying friendship in the same capacity that I do with my other friends in which like, I’m fond of you. I think I can also get a pretty good measure of infatuation with how much weight I give really arbitrary interactions so like, usually I’m always hoping that me and Jack get put on the same team like while someone is making teams at volleyball I am in a corner praying to the goddess Hylia that she bless me today to be on the same team as Jack like in the name of peace in Hyrule please put me on the same team as him like you know I’m trying to cuff and have this boy fall in love with me please. That kind of shit you know? Like small decisions that they make regarding interactions that could possibly involve you but realistically you aren’t an actual factor in their decision making process but you conceptualize yourself as one because you’re trying to insert yourself into their lives as important like I get it. But no longer, ladies, no longer. We are breaking away from these chains this semester and it’s all love from here and when I say love I mean like my actual fulfilling love where I just take Jack to Costco because it’s fun to hang out with him and not because we’re going on a date like enjoying present company as opposed to perceived value. Emmelyn suggested we expand the Costco lunch club and I think last semester I would’ve been a hard pass on that idea but like, look at me growing, I was an immediate yes like I love the Costco lunch club and think others should get to experience that too. But yeah, basically we are watching the transformation of infatuation real time and that’s exciting. Anyway, I’m sure by the next Costco trip I’ll come back telling you all about how we’re in love so stay tuned for that.
Anyway, today’s final thought is that inflection a lot of white boys have is too widespread and common for my liking. It’s that part of their voice that kind of makes it half an octave higher and usually they have lighter hair that’s grown out so they kinda have bangs I mean you know Beiber hair but modernized sort of. You know a couple of these kids. I think all their voices are so similar and it’s just their speaking voices all have that airy/throaty but throaty in a way that, again, raises their voice by half an octave like there’s some other sound in the back of their voice that makes it really distinct. I wish I had my brain upgrades so that I could transfer sound waves from my brain to share with you all I’m really tired of my storytelling lacking the necessary full range of experience that I want it to but I swear everyone knows at least a couple of white boys with this voice. Is raspy the word I’m thinking of? Most of the time they’re kinda artsy or, not artsy but they learned a couple of chords on the guitar probably. It makes them cultured lmao but they def prob know a couple of chords on the guitar and they just talk the same I don’t know how to describe this audio file for you all but there I was, doing my duty as an educator teaching some kids diff eq and I heard it. I heard the white boy voice from the third to the last row and I was like oh my god which one is it like is it Ben my former suitemate from first year or is it my cousin’s old roommate who he’s brought to a couple family events now that’s talked conspiracy theory before or is it that other white boy that was in my class last spring and it was none of them but fuck I had a real directory I was flipping through to identify him. Unsure of his name but can confirm he looked just as I thought he’d look. I dunno I just find it super interesting that all these white boys inflect the same way like maybe this is white culture. I have no further things to say about this other than like, you probably know one of these white boys. They’re usually “cooler” than most boys and they wear slim jeans and probably put on a button up because that signals they care about fashion and again, may very well be running around with a guitar it’s like they’re artsy kinda and thus they all talk the same idk I’m just here theorizing. Let me know what you think the secret is to all these white boys sharing the same voice in the comments below thanks.
Anyway, that’s all I have for now I guess. I mean, that’s kind of a lie because I think this blog deserves some analysis of Costco and given how much I talk about Costco like it’s past due but I didn’t want to interrupt current thought streams cause that can be dangerous but like future thoughts. Basically I have more I could say but I’m satisfied for now. As always, stay tuned for the drama of it all.