Those Travel Neck Pillows Are Useless And Ugly
After much thought I have decided my parents wasted their money on those travel pillows and burdened me during the flights with unnecessary cloth and cotton to carry everywhere. But let's keep moving, let's keep going. Here I am on my last flight back home to top off a whole 26 hours of travel time and I have been debating between writing something and watching another episode of Westworld and we can all see what I ended up choosing. Not to be gross so like don’t read this if you don’t want to know too much about my travel experience but I shat in the airport twice while waiting for this delayed flight and those were pretty liquidy stools. And honestly it’s kinda upsetting because I shat on the 13 hour plane ride too and it was honestly a very healthy poop like it was solid you know it was good but at the airport?????? Nah I had to do damage control with pepto and you’d think it’d be the other way around seeing as I am travelling back from Vietnam but no apparently the airplane food was more deadly than the ice and fresh vegetables I ate in Saigon. I did have a quick stint with traveler’s diarrhea though lmao that was a fuckin ride. We had gotten to Saigon after we went to Hue and I honestly truly felt fine but my sister threw up that night which was like a small afterthought for me cause more importantly was the shit wifi connection in my room. But let’s focus on the story here and not critique the hotel for dead spots, so I went to bed that night thinking I was fine but I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomach that felt…………………… off. Like off enough that rolling on my side to sleep exaggerated the nausea and I woke up a couple times so at one point I felt the urge that something wanted to come out but like in the form of vomit but in my half sleep state I was vehemently opposed to that idea so I was like no no I’ll just take a shit whatever it is can come out through my ass lmao. Lmao. So I did take my shit and felt a little better and really tried to tell myself I solved the problem but deep down, I knew clearing my bowels didn’t solve the problem. So there I was back in bed pretending I was okay and I woke up in the middle of the night again with some very intense nausea like so intense that I honestly felt like I was on a rocking boat in the middle of the ocean like my fucking nausea was simulating the feeling of drifting on the ocean I laid in fucking bed and was like so I know I’m not moving but it really feels like I’m a fucking castaway right now and I don’t know what that means . Well, ladies, I’ll tell you what the fuck it meant cause I got a couple minutes later and barely made it to the sink to throw up. I think I also went diarrhea at some point after and then I had breakfast a couple hours later and came back to my room and threw that up lmao but after that I took Imodium and was fine. It was a wild like nine hours of fighting the actual sickness but then after I battled the dehydration headache cause I lost all my liquids through the multiple processes of mass ejection that happened lmao. Anyway I don’t regret not being careful with what I ate in Vietnam which caused this cause I ate well and I am bitter at AirCanada for serving me shitty food and that’s that on that.
Anyway, I guess a good reflection on my trip would be reevaluating my viet after spending two and a half weeks there but I really can’t say I improved at all. I just got nervous every time my grandparents or uncle came up to me and started a conversation it was like oh fuck oh fuck it’s game time are you ready bitch do you know what you’re doing and I’ll just say that this thought process really hinders having an actual conversation especially one in a language you’re not fluent. Like if I didn’t have my parents or one of my older cousins or my aunt with me I’d revert to just saying yes and smiling. I just don’t have the accent or vocabulary down I’m sorry. There was one time I learned a huge lesson in humility like wow Icarus didn’t fly too close to the sun in this instance he just flew straight into the sun lmao. So that tour guide from central Vietnam we had came up to me after our last dinner and asked me what I do and I had that answer ready I was like, oh I’ve finished two years of college and I really thought I nailed that shit so I decided to carry on the rest of the conversation in viet which was a mistake cause then he asked what I was studying and like I know the words for it I really do but knowing how your parents answer that question for you and how to actual produce such accents and sounds is a much different process. So the word for engineering in viet is ke suh but the e is a long e and goes up and suh is pretty flat but I kinda said the whole thing flat which is kind of just how I think I talk in general which changed the word to singer lmao so this man was like no I think I heard that wrong what were you studying and I said it again and then squinted and was like am I…………………… wrong and then my sister came to help lmao and said it correctly and that was that on me trying to speak viet alone to anyone other than my parents. Viet is just way too tonal and I don’t have enough inflection in me to speak it correctly and I can speak my shitty viet to my parents but I can’t bring it back to Vietnam ever again but I have places I want to visit again so I guess I’ll continue to pretend to try and sharpen my language skills but if any of my witch fans want to just cast a spell granting me fluency that’d be real cool thank.
So during the first few days of the trip while we in Long Xuyen we played a card game called 13 which is pretty well known I assume. Apparently there are different versions of it but anyway that’s not the point. So I was playing with my sister and cousins and I lost pretty often in part cause I just could never play my last few cards correctly but again not the point. So at some point they were like Todd you lost again omg and I was like ya but it’s cause of the heat I’m not losing cause I’m bad I’m losing cause of the heat and they were like are you gonna blame all your mistakes on the heat?????? And then for the rest of the game I blamed everything that went wrong on the heat and I started one of the first running jokes of the trip so I am truly an icon regardless of what country I’m in. Anyway, I was kind of right about blaming a lot of things on the heat though cause heat exhaustion can really fuck you up and I feel like my cousins were really undermining its power???????? I think I learned this lesson in like 9th grade or something lmao but I was in latin class and one of the hotter older kids was talking about how more fights happen in the spring cause of the heat lmao and I really internalized it but honestly I don’t think he was wrong cause the heat can really make you flustered on its own. I saw him at a party when I went to visit Sarah in the fall and he’s not as hot anymore only cause of his hair though but he asked for my number and followed me on insta and I would’ve joked more about how he was hitting on me but his hair was ugly so I wasn’t about it maybe in 9th grade though. Anyway, the heat. So then I don’t know where we were, maybe getting off an airplane or something but someone was like I feel like I’m getting a rash and I don’t know why and someone else was like it’s the heat but it actually was the heat like heat rashes are a thing. I wasn’t talking out of my ass when we played 13 ladies. It’s the heat. My cousin’s wife complained about how her contacts were so dry there. It’s the heat. Dehydration. It’s the heat. It’s all the heat and they just thought it was a joke so I continued to blame all my problems on the heat for the rest of the trip but I know deep down I’m right to attribute the heat to half the things I complained about. Don’t underestimate the heat ladies cause it’ll get ya. It’ll fuckin get ya.
And so, that concludes Vietnam I think. I can do a short short summary: really hot with good food especially a lot of soups which is tough in the heat but it was cool Vietnam is on the way up lmao also wish I had hung out with my cousin who lives there a little more cause apparently he’s pretty cool as in he’s smoked and I could’ve smoked while I was there but the language barrier u kno but ya cool trip will be back someday. Also: the traffic there is a bike/pedestrian safety intern nightmare which is me but it wasn’t a nightmare I just found it super interesting I could’ve written about how their roads could really benefit from bus rapid transit lanes but I decided I talked about the traffic enough lmao but maybe some day in the future. I am surprised I am kind of timely with this post but I guess travelling is always a good time for writing. Alright, well I’ll probably have some stories about something sometime soon so until next time, stay tuned for the drama of it all.
I wrote this last night and now only posting it tonight sorry you just never know what I'm in the mood to do lmao. Until next time for real though, stay tuned for the drama of it all.