The Fall Forecast Is Looking Like A Lot Of Back Sweat
Well, there I was looking up the weather yesterday to see if I should go outside to do some ADA pole mapping when I ran across an alert from the weather channel that fall was looking hot as hell and so here I am, wondering if I’ll ever get to wear that new black cable knit sweater I got from H&M recently for only $7. $7. I had a legal obligation when I was shopping that day to buy a sweater for a steal like that. That is, in part, one of the biggest dangers of going shopping during the summer seasons. If you walk into H&M they will undoubtedly have sweaters on sale very likely in the fucking single digits and at that point you thought you needed more short sleeve button up shirts but no, that’s not what you needed you needed yet another black cable knit sweater all the while you also considered whether you needed that really really norm core pale pink sweater hanging a couple racks down albeit this one was only marked down to the teens but still, still that’s a steal so maybe you should get it because honestly your wardrobe lacks a pink presence and you’ve been meaning to get a pale pink sweater anyway but is this the one you really wanted? So I mean, just an example of what kind of monologue you may undergo while at the mall. Pretty casual. Anyway, yesterday I was faced with a very interesting health condition when I woke up. My sternum, that bone in the middle of your choice between your tiddies, had a very sharp pain running through it when I woke up? Like if I contracted or extended my chest it’d feel very sore like if someone had punched me in the chest which was odd because I don’t recall getting into any fights on Sunday unless Elizabeth and I brawled while we were high and I just completely lost memory of that but I’m gonna rule that out, like 98% sure that didn’t happen so I’m comfortable ruling that out. I mean, what do you do when you wake up with some strange pain in your tiddies? Text your chiropractor of a sister of course. So Tiffanie is trying to diagnose me from 100 miles away, I’m just texting like hey tiddies in pain what to do next and she’s like okay google diaphragm self active release so I’m trying not to engage my tiddies while in the shower, while cooking my eggs for breakfast, while driving ten minutes to work, I’m just hyperconscious of not doing anything to like extend or contract that sternum area you know? So now I’m at work, tiddies sore, hungry by 10 am waiting for lunch time, writing a blog post similar to what’s happening right now, and I look up diaphragm self active release and basically the technique is to bend over a little, inhale, shove your fingers into this little gap or whatever by your ribs/diaphragm area, exhale, lean forward into your fingers now digging themselves into your intestines, and just keeping breathing and leaning. Like, one, I already am uncomfortable enough simply sitting on my chair at work but you want me to stab myself while doing a deep breathing exercise? Tiffanie has got me fucked up if she thinks I’m gonna start stretching like that at work. So I’m texting, I’m like well one I dunno if a diaphragm stretch is gonna tackle my sternum problem very well and two I refuse to stretch like that at my desk and you know what she says? Maybe it’ll help, go stretch in the bathroom. And I introduced that like it was a crazy response but it wasn’t, it was pretty valid lmao but I didn’t. I really only left my desk chair yesterday to go to the bathroom once, warm up my lunch, and then run away at the end of the day. I think maybe my sternum popped at one point in the middle of the day which gave some relief, but it was still kinda sore when I went home and you know what my dumbass had already decided to do? Go to the gym for chest triceps day. I just feel like if you wake up and the bones between your tiddies aren’t feeling in top form, you can pick a different work out for the day so that you don’t like die or whatever while benching. I’m happy to report that I didn’t die, did the tiddy work out, and went home in peace. The guy I asked to spot me yesterday was kinda hot too, but very boring hot. White boy hot. Just had nice arms, big tiddies, like a scar on his face I think on his cheek so like wow interesting but beyond that nothing much. I think that’s the problem with going to the gym at school here. Too many white boys with the same dorito bodies and it’s like, stop trying to cruise at the gym. Everyone here will disappoint you so don’t do it just roll out your glutes and hamstrings in silence and listen to B’Day. Anyway, the only other drama from the gym besides imminent death via bench press was that I did free weights by this boy I matched with on tinder lmao and for a while I was like do I say hi but we made eye contact and were forced to say hi at that point like at list like mouthing the words to each other. I think I’d be down to fuck but how do you pivot from passing gym interaction to tinder message? Why not just strike at the gym then? 21st century dating? Modern love? Who knows who knows. Lmk if you know in the comments below actually. Just a hot take on how to go from mouthing the words hi to each other in the free weight room to bjs in the sauna.
Anyway, recently I’ve been dealing with the problem of having only like two gigabytes left in my google drive folder. See, I’ve been a cloud based storage bitch since high school. My gmail has been in motion ever since 10th grade ladies. The national archives cannot even compare to some of the shit that you will find in my google drive. So today, I got to work and having nothing substantial to do, I decided to inspect the depths of my drive. Google is pretty intuitive so they let me click on the amount of storage I have left to parse through what files are taking up the most space and you can just scroll through this list and think wow what a waste or wow what a moment and so #1 of the list was this 21 minute video I recorded for Tsering, Amar, and Omar doing a little photo book walkthrough since they wouldn’t be able to see it in person until the semester started which I would not let fly so high me took it upon myself to show them each page in full detail, commentary, jokes, criticisms, all of it. 21 fucking minutes, and I fucked up the recording so it was a vertical video lmao. Amateur hour that night. Anyway, there I am scrolling down and suddenly I get to all these comic book files I have on my google drive and I’m like, shocked because for the past two years I totally thought that the comic book club folder was on Umar’s google drive but it was actually on mine. Like, fuck we put so many fucking comic book files in that folder no wonder I have no more space. Now for our favorite part: context. So to contextualize this comic book club folder, there Umar and I were in 11th grade, reading the new Naruto manga chapters as they came out weekly like the dedicated nerds we were, and we thought well fuck we should have a comic book club. I mean, these were in the same breaths that we were like fuck we should just go to New York Comic Con senior year, which we did and perhaps that will be a story for the future but for now, the conception of our comic book club is entertaining enough. So for more context, Annandale had an existing anime/manga club and before we made ours real, you know while we were in the process of finding a teacher to sponsor and all of that shit, we thought we should at least give them a visit. So we stayed after school one Wednesday and walked to the trailer where anime club was being held and were………………… disappointed. To be honest, I think maybe we had a false vision of what it would be but I think we can all imagine what a high school anime club looks like. Couple of weebs sitting around, idk what else they do but nothing interesting. While we were there they told us that their next anime was going to be Deadman Wonderland and they really tried to sell it to us but I mean, even from that name I was destined to steer very clear of it. Like, listen, by the time I was 17 I was gay enough to know that the only thing I wanted from my anime was gay subtext and overdramatic high schoolers. So anime club was a flop and we decided from then on that comic book club would essentially come in and take over any functions that anime club thought they had. And so began pouring the rest of our junior year into getting the ball rolling for our beloved safe haven for nerds but particularly nerds with good opinions i.e. me and Umar. Our biology teacher was so excited to sponsor us, honestly love that gal I hope she’s doing well I should visit her sometime lots of love to Francesca always so much energy and so supportive of our complete bullshit. So we got her as a sponsor, we also reached out to this one physics teacher who neither of us had for physics but who was also just know to be pretty nerdy so he was on board but never really did anything for us at all but that was fine we had enough youth and blind vision in what the club would be that we didn’t really need either of them but god high schoolers are so limited in what they can and can’t do. So anyway, adult overseeing aside, we still had to make a constitution which we aptly named The Constitution of the World Superhero Alliance (A.K.A. Comic Book Club) like verbatim that was the title of the document so we were on a good start. We needed flyers to advertise our interest meeting obviously and that was the first time I decided to learn about typography and font choice. The flyers themselves were okay, the jokes were okay not the best but not the worst, the font choices are good but not for the theme or setting or mood so that was a flop and I also made like ten different version of it because we really wanted to hit all the superheroes and give them all jokes. I made a pretty cute logo actually but we didn’t use it enough but in concept, it was a good halftone and the colors popped and it fit, like it very much fit comic book club like me in my youth still had a good design head on ha shoulders. Okay, so we did advertising via flyering but we also decided to do some PR and had an article written about the upcoming comic book club in the school newspaper which was fucking iconic. I just messaged this girl some long ass paragraph about the club and in it I made a joke about overtaking the anime club which was not meant to go in the paper but DRAMA she put that shit into the article!!!!!!!! I could probably find the quote verbatim if I dug through my fb messages but basically it said we planned to take over anime club etc etc and the anime club kids still rolled into the meeting. Had they not read the article in the newspaper????? Was there nothing left for them to lose that they decided they would just succumb to these new kids on the block with okay flyers and a pretty good logo??????? Like fuck if I know but that was drama for sure. Okay but the fucking funniest thing I found in that google drive folder was this petition we had made to use the school’s bomb shelter as our meeting place. Like why the fuck was there no one telling us to be less extra?????? The bomb shelter????? Why would they let children into the bomb shelter to just hang out and talk about comic books????? We wanted to call it the batcave or something else cliché lmao so that was a thing we conceptualized but other beauty of this petition that I don’t think we ever printed was that Umar put four pages worth of space for signatures lmao like we really thought we were about to roll up around school and be able to collect four pages of signatures for our little pipedream. I love it. I fucking love it. I don’t think my involvement in any future organization will top the extra shit we did for our lovechild of a club. We put so much work into it and then we graduated and it graduated with us, its existence for only a year because there was no fucking way anyone else would be able to live up to our standards and there was no way we’d let that shit flop the next year. If I go digging again I’m sure there’s something else I could write a whole essay on but for now, I’m gonna leave this story of the conception of comic book club here. Feel free to hmu for comic book recommendations or to get shared on some of these documents to see the kind of fuckery we were up to in high school. It’s beautiful.
I don’t know how to top the story of the making of comic book club honestly? We were so extra, it was truly a moment. I legitimately don’t know about anything else I have in mind to talk about. Well, yesterday I dealt with that really terrifying last bit of yogurt in the tub that was like 50% yogurt water and 50% too chunky yogurt? I had to talk myself through a lot of that process just to get it into my bowl. I just think yogurt water is so fucking nasty it makes so uncomfortable I don’t know why it’s there or what purpose it serves but it fucks me up and I had no one to support me last night except Poe but sometimes you need a whole community to get through that last bit of yogurt and by whole community I needed Omar to listen to my endless complaining. So there I was, faced with the last bit of yogurt and its accompanying yogurt water and I couldn’t bring myself to put it into my bowl so I just poured out the yogurt water and part of me felt wasteful. Like, could I really not handle eating it that badly that I wasted yogurt water? Part condensation build up, part milk not processed into yogurt correctly, part nasty sour concoction, I could’ve just pulled myself together and downed it like a shot you know? But yesterday I didn’t. In the comfort of my own home, do you know what I did? I just poured the sour water down the drain and ate the part which was a little too chunky for my liking anyway. Some part of me feels like this is a lesson about integrity you learn in 6th grade like what is integrity? “It’s what you do when no one is watching.” Actually, that lesson is from 7th grade, specifically my 7th grade history teacher so Andrew if you’re reading this hmu I know you got a baby now but I’m very good at nurturing children I have learned the ways of nurture. Anyway, integrity. Maybe me pouring down the yogurt water was a testament of my integrity? No one was looking or judging so in the end I just avoided the problem. If I really wanted to insult myself I should’ve went upstairs and flushed it down the toilet, why not waste a three gallon flush on this nasty shit? So that’s one part of me, eating away slowly while I question my morals and the like but another part of me is like……………………. but yogurt water probably isn’t even edible. It’s like, you know what it’s more like when you peel a mango or a banana or cut a watermelon you get the point but it’s like that. I’m not meant to eat the peel just like I’m not meant to consume the yogurt water. I don’t feel guilty as I cut pineapple therefore I shouldn’t feel guilty when I pour the yogurt water down the drain. Part of me really thinks it’s not meant for consumption because it’s that nasty. It was necessary maybe while the yogurt hung out in the fridge, you know? The probiotics have got to stay hydrated but me? I hydrate the way every enlightened human being does, with my hydro flask. Ian [REDACTED] is also a huge proponent of his hydro flask which I will say is the same color as mine he just has more stickers on it and some washi tape courtesy of me. Anyway, yogurt water is both nasty and not meant for consumption. So my integrity is intact? If that’s the correct conclusion, which I believe it is, then my integrity is definitely intact. Andrew, you can still be proud that I heeded your lesson that one time that boy in class told you to take down a poster that had some answers to a quiz we were taking. Anyway, the only reason I have yogurt in my fridge is because I want to add more chia into my diet and yogurt is a really easy way to do that. The important part of the yogurt eating process is not actually my integrity but rather my fiber intake and the rest of the health benefits a little tablespoon of chia will do for you. The lesson here, ladies, is to eat more chia seeds.
Okay well that spun wildly out of control for that last story. I didn’t realize I’d be able to extrapolate the five minute incident into something so extravagant but I mean, never doubt yourself!!! Push your limits every day!!! The world’s greatest power: human power. Lmao. But anyway, I am going to end this hear. It’s going to be a long last three and half hours of my day without a blog post to write but I will prevail somehow. Only two more days of work after this one and then New York!!!!!! As always, stay tuned for the drama of it all.