I Resurrected My Phone From Water Damage Despite The Overwhelming Disbelief From My Entire Family
So here I am, in transit once again but this time only for like 30 minutes to a beach somewhere in Vietnam. A very interesting story about this one though: we’re going to Phu Quoc and Amar bought a coke in Iceland that said some shit like “Enjoy a Coke from: Phu Quoc” and I was like I’ve definitely been there before and now here I am a week later going back. The world is revolving around me clearly. My sister asked me if I kept the bottle and I realized that would’ve been cool if I did but I remember the moment the flight attendant took it away from us and at the time was relieved that our trash was gone but now only regret over a missed opportunity of some momento that would eventually get thrown away anyway unless we turned it into a gb bottle or something lmao. Our Icelandic gb bottle also got thrown away on that airplane though so there were multiple casualties. But anyway, anyway, I am particularly excited to go to Phu Quoc because it’s just the kids, the cousins on this trip and that means I’ll be drinking tonight for sure. I say kids despite me being the youngest at age 20 and my oldest cousin here being 33 with his wife bearing child. But, children nonetheless.
I think age 20 in America is such a precipice. You’re almost legal drinking age but you’re not actually yet but you’ve already been pushed over into “adulthood” in the state’s mind but you aren’t throwing back shots using your driver’s license picture from 10th grade so like I said, a precipice. I don’t think there’s such a precipice here in Vietnam. I mean, probably from high school to college but that’s educational and not necessarily tied to age and if it is tied to age then I don’t know enough to speak on it. More on the lines of drinking though, I’m pretty sure there’s no drinking age here in Vietnam so I’ve been drinking a little every now and then at restaurants and at the house but just like a beer or two. Prior to now I really think my parents thought I had yet to actually drink anything. Maybe they thought I went to parties and had a sip but in their minds I really think they thought I was just playing volleyball until midnight on Friday nights. I only half lie to them when they ask me what I’m doing on the weekend cause I am playing volleyball just only until 10 and then the pregame starts immediately after. I think it’s been in my favor to keep up the façade that I don’t drink though. I don’t know why but something about the innocence probably makes them trust me more. I’m just guessing here. But here we are in Vietnam and I’m trying to get drunk at least once and a couple of beers isn’t gonna cut it. Every time I drink though I say, this is the first time I’ve ever had beer I don’t know how many I can drink. I’ve said that multiple times to them on different occasions which I’m pretty sure they get the joke now but it was self-defense at first. Apparently it worked pretty well because one night I got to four beers and my dad asked me if I was doing okay multiple times and then the next morning woke me up and asked if I had a hangover. The four beers were festive but not drunk festive. I was a little buzzed yeah but I didn’t need to chug my hydroflask to prevent a hangover or anything it just passed through like a friend coming to j chill for a little between errands or something. Just real quick with it. Last night I took a shot at a dinner party and while we were waiting for the taxi he asked if I was feeling okay. I don’t know when I’m gonna be able to tell him that a good pregame is to stop after five shots so that we can still go out and get a jaegerbomb at the bar. I definitely said I’ve never had liquor before prior to taking that shot at the table though.
Okay well I wrote that while on an airplane to Phu Quoc like five days ago and I don’t know where my train of thought was but I’m ending the story there it honestly wasn’t that funny anyway probably. Anyway anyway, I have had an interesting time here in central Vietnam these past few days. We have been taken on tours to such obscure places one of which was a European/Disney knock off/Greco-Roman style sculpture art theme park high in the mountains. That in itself is a story but before all of that madness, me and my cousins and sisters were picked up from the airport by my dad and our tour guide. Our tour guide was interesting enough. He made jokes and you know tried to be engaging as they should. He had a good grasp on English but I will say we noticed his very interesting accent part of which was described as from Westworld you know that HBO show and part of which was like British because I’m assuming he learned his English from some program or person with a British accent. My sister’s boyfriend said sometimes he would hear a Borat accent coming from him and I was like oh haha yeah I just hear British every now and then because like…………………… why?????? Borat??????? To be honest I think I have come to like him less over the course of this trip lmao but it might just be such sheer exposure to such white boy straightness in such a large quantity after making such a point to avoid that at all costs down at school. Maybe Borat is still a hit in those circles. Maybe a frat movie night always has Borat in the running as one of the movies I honestly wouldn’t be surprised. But back to my tour guide. So his English had an accent obviously but I didn’t really care I just thought he talked a lot and made some awkward jokes sometimes but what was way more interesting was his Vietnamese. Since he’s from central Vietnam he has a much different accent than my family who speak with a southern accent. There is also in fact a northern accent and also finally and most importantly is that I cannot understand either a northern or central Vietnamese accent lmao. Honestly I have a hard time following everything my grandparents and aunts and uncles are saying at all times if the subject matter leaves anything too mundane so if you start throwing in different inflections to things I barely have a grasp on I’m just lost. My dad said it was hard for him to understand the central accent too but my grandparents didn’t seem to have trouble following any of his Vietnamese. I mean I could make out parts of it just small glimpses of a world of explanation I would never get to experience unless I dedicated myself to becoming fluent.
I guess I only find this interesting because I wonder if non-native English speakers lose comprehension when suddenly they find themselves talking to someone with an Australian accent or something. I think it might be a little different since English isn’t as tonal as Vietnamese but I reasoned it out in my head that my grandparents were having a grand time even in the face of this accent because being native speakers and you know living with the language, a small barrier like an accent wouldn’t be enough to throw them off completely as opposed to me who was suddenly through into a labyrinth blindfolded and hands tied and idk something else that could pass as being mildly kinky but actually just impairing my movement. Basically not a small barrier to my comprehension but a carefully designed trap meant to wear me out and kill me lest I was clever enough to smell my way through the maze. So that’s the metaphor I think best describes this situation of accents but honestly I also remember being a child and watching the Harry Potter movies and not being able to understand like three fourths of the plot cause of their british accents lmao. Maybe I was just dumb as fuck when I was 6 or whatever but what the fuck happened in the Sorcerer’s Stone?????? I couldn’t tell ya girls I couldn’t tell ya. There I was again, a small native English speaker completely thrown off by these white people speaking in some odd dialect of English but what could have honestly been a second language to me and I was just watching like damn I don’t even know why half the things going on are going on. But I also closed my eyes at the part where Voldemort is revealed on the back of that professor’s head cause that shit was terrifying and also I was an incredibly nervous child that got scared of everything. So basically, the metaphor with the maze again but with my native language of English at age six. And now here I am at 20 with an arguably better grasp on English but now facing trials in Vietnamese. Central Vietnam was cool though. Kinda bummed I didn’t get to explore the cities we stayed in as much as I wanted to or at all really. Too much structure with these tours. I mean not too much structure but too much planned that’s like not the most interesting lmao.
So that weird ass theme park was one of the not too interesting but kinda odd enough that it could pique some interest was one of our stops. To be honest, at the time I had no clue where we were going I just knew we had a ride in a cable car planned which could have totally been the excursion itself for me cause I loved that. The theme park was called Ba Na Hills and it’s built on a mountain right outside of Da Nang and some Austrian guy owns it so I guess that’s why it’s very European theme and also I guess whiteness is greatly sought out in Asian countries so the European shit is a fuckin hit. The cable car ride up is probably the most riveting part. I think the theme park has problems with theme and what it wants to be and what it can actually deliver like I definitely saw it try to be part Disney as in like they had this small parade in the park and they just straight up used Star Wars and other music from Disney movies but had none of the characters to actually be there. They had like three knock off Captain Hooks/Jack Sparrows. I unfortunately can’t say which because I’m so sure they got those costumes at Party City and brought them to work lmao. I’m not sure why this was part of the tour cause there’s no part of it that’s too distinctly Vietnam and I really thought I was here visiting Vietnam lmao but anyway it was a real sight I guess. At one point we walked to this one garden area and there were these two white guys dressed in what were probably discounted Under Armor thermal wear that had superhero patterns on them and they were just standing there in their white mediocrity getting tips and taking pictures with some tourists. On one hand I can’t believe there was a market for this to even exist but also the caucacity to just stand there in tights and also put a tip box out in front and then also get tips. I will say that we saw these white men before we got to the theme park part so I didn’t realized there were other shitty costumed white people around also getting tips for standing around lmao but I like to think that these particular white people didn’t even try and were getting rewarded. I guess in a sense white people are exotic to Asian countries but on the other hand it’s not as though whiteness and light skinned isn’t inherently rewarded anyway like for Vietnam it’s just French colonialism at work still. But that’s post processing. At the time it was really just like why and also the caucacity. Tbh the coolest part of the park was the cable car ride up, the cooler weather since we were up in the mountains, and this big Buddha statue they had. But now I know so that’s that on that I guess.
Okay well I have been dealing with a case of traveler's diarrhea today lmao but it has almost passed and I'm ready to get back there into the world without a headache from dehydration. I'm sure I will detail that later at some point. Only a week left here in Vietnam so we'll see what comes of it!!! Until then, stay tuned for the drama of it all.