Death As A Constant Motif In October
But before any of the death talk, let me welcome a newly double sized listserv after putting in the work after grinding nonstop after a lot of self-promo across the internet after all of this I ended up with a listserv that doubled in size so again a warm welcome to everyone now plagued by these notification emails. You can thank the idle time I had at work this summer in which I was able to set up a third party application to send you these damn notifications but honestly I already complained about this once so it will not be a topic I spend any more time on back to our regularly scheduled content thanks. So anyway, Thursday was a very special day this past week because I set up myself up for success by planning a little lunch date with Jack!!!!!!!!! Accompanied by two of our other volleyball friends but the important part is that my intention was to eat lunch with Jack and bitch did I make his fucking world Thursday afternoon. Well, firstable first thing first to start off with I just wanna say that I’ve been trying to write this one paragraph since Thursday immediately after returning from lunch but I got busy playing Megaman? Going to lab? Idk I guess other things happened after lunchtime Thursday but also these past three days of reflection on our lunch date have been good. It’s kind of like when I listened to Lorde talk about how Melodrama was a much more slow processing of big life events as opposed to the way she wrote Pure Heroine which was so in the moment. I mean, she was 16 when she wrote it so that’s the kind of tunnel vision we have when we’re younger. But we’ve grown, I’ve grown, she’s grown, I’m grown. It’s all about taking your time with shit and making sure your creative process matches that. So anyway, basically all the gut reactions to Thursday at sushi king are gone which is good because now I have better zingers thought out for this instead of Thursday which would’ve just been a lot of !!!!!!!! as opposed to anything else.
But truly, truly, back to the date. So it’s Tuesday night and I’m ready to shoot my mf shot in this world so I hit our groupme with a “who’s tryna get sushi king on Thursday for that lunch special” which obviously Jack hit like, rather, smashed that mf like button. So it was settled, I mean these two other girls were like ya we’re free too and it was like okay okay I get it you wanna hang out just know there is a seating order I already have planned for the table so don’t get my vision twisted. So anyway, Tuesday night is rolling perfectly. I hit the groupme, I got the likes I needed, all my ass had to do was wait until Thursday now. I was so fucking committed to this damn lunch that when Thursday rolled around I woke up at 8:30 am like it’s still dark out at 8:30 am probably I mean I’m not sure cause I’m never awake at 8:30 and also I don’t wake up with the gift of sight like some people do so I don’t know what the world looks like but fuck it’s probably dark and feels bad. So there I am, shit o’ clock in the morning jumping into the shower so that I can go to class looking hot as fuck and be ready for lunch immediately after class. So, yes I did look very very hot in class that day coupled with the fact that it was 68 degrees outside with no sun meant that I legit was the hottest person in attendance in both of my morning classes. But if you thought me walking in with my light wash ripped jeans and olive oversized sweater accented with my classic Capricorn necklace from Topshop plus my elephant/jade gemstone Alex and Ani ring on my pinky was too spicy, bitch I had the class floored when I left fluid mechanics 15 minutes early. I strut my ass out of class, and as I was leaving this girl was like oh bye Todd and I was like ya deuces and never looked back. Like I said, I continue to reign as UVA Civil/Environmental Engineering’s hottest scholar.
And now, ladies, we’ve finally made it to lunchtime. While being blessed with the sub 70 weather was definitely what I needed what I did not appreciate was the misty rain where it’s like not raining enough that you can use an umbrella but there’s still water falling from the sky like my glasses and hair are still getting fucked up but everyone else has collectively decided that they will just brave through the mist meanwhile my hair is on the verge of collapse every step I take. So structural damage is taking a toll on my hair while I walk to the car where we’re all meeting and I’m the last one there, my hair just to reiterate its fragility is already dead, I actually have a persistent stye on my left eye which I dunno I should probably get that checked out by the ophthalmologist lmao, also my left cheek is problematic as always and was going through a small break out, so basically if I had played my cards wrong I could’ve looked like the biggest fucking mess when I got to the car but half of being hot is knowing your angles and my angle on Thursday was the right side of my face. So I roll up to the car and just as the stars know all, Jack was sitting in the back seat on the right side and I sat in the back on the left side because the universe in its kindness knew I only had one angle Thursday. So, lunch was starting off with a hit but could it continue? Well, we got to the restaurant and got seated a round table which obviously fucked up my seating arrangement like when the waiter brought us to the round table instead of the millions of other rectangular four person tables available it was immediate fight or flight response like maybe I should run home and skip lunch today. But you know what, I’m adaptable. I’m fluid. Gender isn’t a binary. So I made it work and in the end I was sitting on Jack’s left again meaning he only had view of my one angle for the day and it was time to let the rest fall in to place i.e. me being funny and keeping the conversation alive. Basically lunch was a success and that’s all there was to it lmao. I mean there were def some cute moments happening, I helped Jack separate two pieces of sushi that were stuck together. Don’t quote me but I think our chopsticks crossed. We shared a plate basically actually. I hoarded ginger on our plate for him. He’s actually very good at using chopsticks but as I told Amar later that night, I’m not really surprised because he comes from a rich, or at least some sort of upper class family, and like any rich white family is obviously in the position to go to those upscale “”””exotic”””” restaurants you know so like he was in spaces as a child in which he was able to learn a niche skill like proper chopstick technique. But anyway this isn’t a real analysis of life this blog is fake and over exaggerated comedy so besides that, one thing that really stuck out to me during lunch was just this one moment in which the two girls left to get soft serve or something and Jack was just really excitedly telling me some story of one time in which his uncle took his family to a nice sushi restaurant and something something there was spicy sushi involved the point was that he just very excitedly told me a pertinent story and all crush feelings aside lmao like literally if I had to document all the things that affirm me and who I am as a person this moment was one of them. Is the bar set too low that Jack excitedly telling me a story completely of his own volition counts as an affirmation for me? Yeah maybe but the small ways in which affection evolves over the course of any interpersonal relationship is something I really like and also affirming for me so that’s that on that. Also, in the end his story wasn’t that funny but it’s hard to be as interesting/funny as me so we all still know who has the real power here. But still, affirmations. So fickle yet so moving.
Anyway, yesterday we went hiking. We being me, Amar, Amitav, Priya, Collin, and our british friend Joe. To be honest, I think we really almost died on our hike. I was like coming down from a high while we were hiking so it was hard for me to see the danger in the moment but in hindsight like we had a fairly high chance of not making it out of that dark forest. But before that, our first stint with death was when we decide to walk on the dried up river bank. Tragically, good ol’ cville is in a drought right now so we have no rivers. Obviously, upon seeing this dried up river we decided to walk on it which was mistake number one. Mistake number two was actually mistake number zero on my part in which I wore my white shoes to go hiking granted I really didn’t think there’d be any real hiking involved I thought hiking was just the guise in which we went outside and took pictures but turns out we ended up doing some real ass hiking through the muddy river bank. Also, there’s mistake number three: thinking the river bank was made of mud when in fact it was made of quicksand. Remember being terrified of quicksand as a child? There’s a tweet about this somewhere about how collectively our childhoods are plagued by the fear of quicksand and yesterday was the day to heed that childhood fear for us. So the first one to being sinking in the quicksand is Joe. Joe’s saucony’s got fucked up. They almost got sent to the fucking shadow realm with how deep his leg sank into the quicksand. Then, two beats later and his other foot is sinking, some people yelling things, Amitav with his snapchat eyeballs didn’t miss this moment either. I watched from my modest position across the small gap that everyone just jumped in my beat up white shoes thinking it’s either time to commit to letting these vans rest in peace if we escape out here alive or it’ll be me laid to rest in this quicksand as it eats me last while I watch the rest of my friends sink to their deaths. Also I was kind of high still so my entire body was only reacting to things. Maybe being sucked into the earth would be a fitting death for me. I would, in some ways, eventually grow into a tree. But anyway, Joe is alive still, I’m here writing this blog post, but the right shoe of my white vans is……………………………………. only here physically with us still. But whether or not her soul can be saved from the mud currently encrusted around her is another story. Not to seem like I’m moving on too fast but I ordered a new pair of white vans 30 minutes ago from some random clothing site from Canada since they were the only ones who had the white leather in the style I wanted so thanks to Canada for Carly Slay Jepsen and also for my new white shoes who will hopefully be here soon because in the meantime my wardrobe has taken a huge hit. I have been wearing those yellowed vans since first year. They have survived frat parties but one unlucky trip to the forest and fight vs. quicksand and they are finally dead. Rest in peace. Happy Halloween I guess. This is the reality all of you spooky motherfuckers wanted. Now you’ve all gone and killed my white shoes. How will you repent?
Well, that’s probably all the time I have for today. I have been pushing back hunger in order to be able to write this in one sitting. I literally can’t write these in less than at least two hours. So I’m gonna feed myself and then prepare to waste the rest of my Sunday. But as always, stay tuned for the drama of it all.