12/5/17 | 12/11/17
The Last Day of Class and All I Did Was Show Up to Both of Them Late
It has been a very long while since I’ve been here. I’ve been so busy. Life just comes at you fast you know and suddenly there’s no time in the week to write long paragraphs about various pieces of my life. But anyway, I have had many stories I’ve wanted to tell since the last time I’ve been here. I also want to just shout out all the porn ello accounts flocking to my last post thinking it was gonna be kinky porn but instead got word vomit but they’re still hitting like looking for a nut and I’m like me too sometimes I guess but on this blog? No no no but thanks for supporting my blogging career I’ll remember you all when I accept my Eisner award. Anyway, actually you know what, on the note of looking for a nut I had sex twice over thanksgiving break because why the fuck not right and I ended up hooking up with the same guy twice just because he was really into me and like sometimes I want the attention you know? So I fucked a high school math teacher twice who has five cats and no car and lives in the suburbs and teaches piano. Lmao what a fuckin life, apparently was also a former professor at UC Davis like how’d you end up here???? But he was super into me and gave so many compliments and thought I was so smart whenever I answered one of his questions you know all the eloquence just rolling off of my tongue at that point.
Anyway, it’s been like almost week since I’ve touched this paragraph and since this week has passed I am suddenly all done with all my finals and I have no obligations left except what? Like get high and make sure I stay fed. That’s it. But to return and finish my train of thought from that last paragraph, basically I would sneak out of my house at like 11 pm to go have sex and when I say sneak out I mean I wait until my parents go to bed at 9 pm and then tip toe my way downstairs and go out the front door. I’m always super nervous about this but my dad snores with such volume that it’s like I could throw a brick through the windows on my way back in and they’d still be asleep. But also I feel like my mom just has a sense for when my bitch ass won’t go to bed at midnight like she wants and she’ll just be on edge all night and the first disturbance of energy in the air will stir her awake. So usually I try to run away as quietly as possible, it’s nice if one of my sisters is awake so I can buff my life with them by telling them I’m just going to hang out with a friend but usually I’m just tip toe sprinting out the door. I actually think my calves are the way they are because as a child I used to walk on my tip toes a lot, actually did I write about this already whatever anyway I used to walk on my tip toes a lot as a kid and my mom would always call me out for she’d be like put your heel down and I would really be like no I don’t know how what do you mean???? Like lmao anyway!!! Tip toe sprinting out my house just hoping she doesn’t decide to peek into my room while I’m gone lmao and then when I come back home I definitely feel like I’m disturbing the energy so I run straight to my bathroom to pretend I’m shitting for like at least 20 minutes to reset the energy of the house. A cool down period. I just unlocked the door at like 1 am which is unfathomable and the metal was just clinking from my keys and everything is echoing and there’s like an amp on my keys now and they won’t stop yelling and if I don’t get to the bathroom I’m gonna die so I have to get to the bathroom and I just hide out there until all the vibrations from the soundwaves have been absorbed by the walls and that’s when I know I can finally leave the bathroom. I used to do this in high school when I came back from drinking lmao and I’d also just stick my head into the sink to drink some water because I’ve stayed a responsible drinker since day one, truly truly. Maybe I should look into carrying some crystals with me when I make late night excursions out of my house? Would that help me reset the energy in my house when I come back? Lms and comment down below if you have the answers I’m looking for.
Anyway, I have been pretty lucky in terms of proximity to sickness this semester. Like usually when the cold weather comes around I dread sitting in classes where I have to just hear the chorus of coughing like enough grab your roommate’s cough drops and be done with it. Actually, even better, it’d be nice if all you could learn some personal hygiene. I swear there are so many people I meet in passing who are like I’m sick and then I’ll just watch them touch their mouth with their hands out and about like get that shit out of your mouth????? Like, there was this one white boy in my anthro class this semester named Lucas who was like not bad looking but not good looking either he was just white that’s as best as I can explain it I mean it’s a pretty apt description he was just white I have no further comments. Moving on though, Lucas had to present one this one time and to be honest of the 10 people in my anthro class this semester Lucas was not one of the better presenters in the sense that he could never choose interesting topics like I was just so bored with his topics like I guess if there’s anyone who’s gonna be boring in this world it’d be straight white boys but anyway the point is that one time he had to present and he was like oh sorry everyone I have a sore throat right now so my voice isn’t that great. Like fair, the sore throats come and go and travel alongside mono like it’s true you’re right so he’s doing his presentation and at one point I was paying attention I guess and then I saw his fingers just touch his mouth like what????? You’re just out here in class touching your mouth with your fingers and also telling us how your throat is sore like it adds up but also why didn’t you do any subtraction why would you allow more germs to enter into your body with such ease. Truly like where is the hygiene and preventative health measures intertwined into daily life????? Did everyone lose it once our elementary school teachers stopped forcing us to wash our hands before lunch?????? I just want to know. Like I’m trying hard to have some sympathy for people and their sickness but some of them are really out here just like coughing into the open and then touching their mouth and then they’re going to the bathroom without washing their hands I’m just not sure!!!
So that topic started stressing me out and I’m not in the mood for it anymore but I think it’s very important that it be addressed this flu season like maybe the flu wouldn’t be so good at morphing into some super virus every year if you all just kept ya hands in your pockets until you washed up before every meal. I’m a public health major and my thesis is on minding your business by keeping your mouths closed and your hands at your sides and keeping the entire community healthier with just those two simple steps. Anyway, on the subject of anthro class there was this other boy named Asad who was actually cute like Asad was a cutie!!!!! Lmk Asad!!!!!! Wherever you are!!!!!! Anyway, I told Amitav many times in class but I really do think Asad is gay he just wore suspiciously fitted jeans with boots like every class? We were still having class when it was summer out and he had that shit together. Sometimes it was these white vans that had a fake brown leather accent on the sides but I also have fake leather white vans so I’m just crossing out a bingo board at this point ladies. The strikes are going and I’m about to win an iPod shuffle in the cafeteria of my elementary school!!! Here’s why I really think he’s gay though: his presentation topics. So gay. His topics were things I would choose to do and that inherently makes it extremely gay. His topics were basically women and gender studies topics just taken and applied to this anthro class like at this point I ‘ve already started waving my bingo card in the air heart racing until I get to just snatch that iPod shuffle and finally put all of my sister’s itunes library on it but just the good songs from her library that I liked had to personalize that playlist cause you know the shuffle didn’t have a screen you know everyone knows the iPod shuffle such a technological feat.
Anyway, funnier story about Asad. So it was the night before my fluid mechanics final last Thursday and my dumb ass obviously had not started studying yet because I was over it I was done like what more did she want from me besides that fact that I literally have started to use the word viscous weaved into my daily vocabulary like I learned it!!!! Now let me pass in peace!!!! So anyway I only have two civil engineering friends I dunno if I’ve addressed this before I honestly think I have but you know the weed so anyway I have two civil friends and they’re like oh we’re studying in Clem come through and I was like I’m debating studying tonight which was a half joke but also like but what if I didn’t study like then what you know maybe it’d be okay like whatever fuck it I know how to use the word viscous I’m chilling. Anyway, I pull up to the library three hours later lmao cause I’m finally like it’s time to get the grind going but in reality I’m just bitter that they chose to study in a library like you want to be surrounded with that negative energy? Inch resting. So anyway, I’m half bitter they’re at the library half bitter I’m gonna have to like try on this fluids exam or else I will have to omit this class from semester grades when I tell my parents lmao but anyway I get to the library and I’m rapping to them about how I’m over it like fuck it I’m done I’m out I don’t need this class in my life anymore like my bitch ass is just going off!!!! And then out of the corner of my eye, I see him, Asad. Well, not his face but the back of his head but I was like I know that silhouette anywhere. So I was still standing while I was spouting my bullshit to my friends but I decide it’s time to pull up the chair to their table and get in it for the long haul because Clem 2 was where me and Asad were gonna get the electricity sparking. Immediate change of tone in voice from me, suddenly I’m like wow guys I’m so ready to study what have you done so far oh my god isn’t the remodeling of Clem 2 just so high tech and chic wow I love it in here look at that but I also haven’t taken my eyes off of his silhouette yet because I needed to make eye contact. And like they say, ladies, hard work leads to results so when Asad got up from his seat and started walking in our direction I was already perfectly position to just smile like omg hey and what a big smile he gave me like wow Asad please no flirting here so publicly people are trying to study. So anyway I felt my fluid mechanics exam was blessed now thanks to my little run in with Asad so I woke up for the 9 am exam five hours later and was like this is gonna go great and anyway I didn’t know how to do 50 out of the 100 points but like partial credit lmao we’ll see how it goes it was really a dumb hard exam like at no point did she ask me to use the word viscous smoothly in an everyday conversation which is really fucking rude. Blessed since I saw Asad while I was studying the night before though. Truly truly.
Anyway this has been such a long post but I’ve also been absent for so long that the flood gates are finally opening and all the stream of consciousness I’ve had to deal with all by myself is getting its fair share in the spotlight. Actually, I’ve been tweeting a lot on the comic book club twitter. That’s all I’ll say about that. Anyway, I guess we should do Jack updates? I wonder if everyone who reads this blog but has little to no regular interaction with me thinks I’m so crazy horny gay boy who just runs around looking for boys to embellish stories about like I promise I’m not I just have a lot of extra thoughts and they’re all very detailed it’s called being a Capricorn look it up. Anyway, Jack updates since this is still a storyline we’re all very invested in. Anyone who supports me supports this storyline because it’s getting spicy! Talk about low standards, ladies!! So Jack is actually just a huge nerd who just likes video games we know this but I didn’t know Jack played competitive pokemon which, if you all did not know, I was a huge hit in the small competitive pokemon battling scene back in 6th grade under the name addictedgamer or sometimes stylized as add1ct3dgam3r I think depends on what was taken and what wasn’t taken there were a lot of freaks trying to impersonate my addictedgamer persona out there when I was 11. So my life has basically been just me setting myself up to become very good friends with this boy because wow did that niche knowledge just come in handy on our ride up before Thanksgiving break. Anyway, we’ve played pokemon together a couple times, just another little bonding experience to add to our very long delineated list. So, I’m trying to tell the story without also having to build the infrastructure of knowing how to battle online but basically there’s an emulator out there and you battle random people online like whatever wifi magic all that shit right connecting the world one by one and sometimes you battle a freak so Jack was playing and then he played against this one asshole who was just really rude for no reason and then use homophobic slurs and anyway, remember the part about low standards earlier lmao but LMAO okay so if all of you “”””allies”””” out there want to know what real solidarity looks like Jack was just playing pokemon against this little bitch who was just getting really nasty with his comments but then Jack ended up winning which is like wow thank you for liberating the gays but Jack wasn’t done there!!!! No he’s such a good ally that after he sent me the transcript for the battle which he thought was funny because the guy lost in the end he was like do you know if I can report people so they can’t play anymore? And I was like wow this is activism. I mean my self crit for the day was like what have you done for the gays today? Not much huh? But Jack is out here making video game spaces more inclusive while you sit there trying to keep your queer identity alive by holding onto Carly Slay Jepsen and Mariah Carey. I mean, are you all not sitting here now inspired by the activism that unfolded last Tuesday? 42 minutes later buzz buzz I get a text from Jack saying banned for life lol like wow. The gays owe it to him. I can’t believe it. Anyway, I’m actually going to Costco with Jack tomorrow and then playing Mario kart after I think we’ll see. Also, really fond of the way Jack has really taken ownership of the mom joke like sometimes when he’s over with the other volleyball kids and I do something for him/them he’s quick to say thanks mom like all infatuation aside, that’s this week’s affirmation. And this century’s affirmation is Jack getting a homophobe banned on pokemon showdown. Mark this day in history, ladies. Be on the right side of history.
Okay so I’ve written a lot but I kind of want to write about my new niece? Cousin? Okay well a cousin on my dad’s side had a baby so now there’s a new baby in the family I mean granted they live in SoCal but like you know more babies I guess we’re getting to the age where suddenly people have babies now or like the older people you know have babies like there’s just babies around, kinda just orbiting your life like a satellite. Okay but anyway, this is one of the cousins who went to Vietnam with me actually if you remember one time I wrote a story about how a few of us went to a bar in Vitenam one night and we started talking about volleyball and then he was just nonchalantly like yeah I never played organized sports in school before college I didn’t have parents even though I was fully aware that he grew up with my aunt and uncle i.e. he was projecting something to me that I wasn’t ready to handle lmao but anyway, he has a baby now!!!!! And I hate her name. I mean, I’m just a little critical that they named her Adalyn. But word doesn’t red underline her name so I guess it’s a real name but when my dad sent a pic of her to our family group chat and was like it’s baby Adalyn I was like, but she’s not white. Like that one pic of that pregnant white lady with the chalk board and possible baby names and all the names were like McSamly like I could’ve sworn that’s exactly where they got the name from. So the baby is a scorpio which will be interesting if I ever like, interact with her. I should give my cousin her birth chart. Hmm, maybe I’ll look into that if I can ever get over the fact that her name is Adalyn. Like, I dunno I feel kinda rude but I’m also like just wondering why still lmao like I hope she’s fun and all but you should look into changing her name I’m sure it’s a quick process in court like yeah whoops we realized we put the sticky note on the wrong page in the name book haha sorry. Quick done easy. So that’s all I had to say about that. I just wanted to talk shit about the name somewhere honestly but I was scared to do it with my sisters cause what if they were like wtf be nice but like I’m just being hyper critical as always like sorry my bad but some people have bad names I just wish our niece? cousin? wasn’t one of those people but like she is and I hope she gets a cute nickname and that’s that on that.
But really, I have written the longest blog post of my entire life. I’m not sure I even have any more thoughts in my own head. I might cook something now. It’s almost midnight. But I’m done with finals and everything so fuck it. But I’m also really tired and trying to go to the gym at 10 in the morning. Omg actually, really funny last thing about Asad. One time when Asad was presenting in anthro class I thought he looked particularly good that day so I hit Amitav with an fb message saying exactly that and then also like tiddies out for Asad and I think I should’ve flashed him one of my tiddies cause me and Amitav would do chest tricep day before anthro this semester so my tiddies always had a little pump from the gym to help me seduce Asad. Lmao. But anyway, I think I will leave this at that. Tiddies out for Asad. Tomorrow is gonna be a very long day but it’ll be fun I get to see Jack and also Ian [REDACTED] since he invited me to his birthday banger at which I’ll probably be kinda uncomfortable since I only really know him and Ben and maybe another one or two of his friends he’s introduced me to and there will be more white people shoved into one space than I want but anyway. Maybe expect a blog about that sometime. As always though, stay tuned for the drama of it all.