Speaking Tragedy Into Existence
So the other day I got lost in that last paragraph and started telling the story about Bary’s kindness in gifting that tissue box after he saw me using a paper towel to scratch at my nose basically leaving me bloodied and no less clear in the nasal area like all those creases just fucking cut you like they have nothing else to offer your nose except a sharp sandpaper edge. Anyway, Bary and his act of generosity kept my nose and any sneezes controlled with comfort, the softness of a tissue is in fact unbeatable the only thing competing with it these days is……………….. well it’s me! Emotional vulnerability jokes aside though we ran out of tissues today and I suspect it’s because I tried to tell the world about Bary’s gift and in doing so the cruel nature of our world sought to rob me of anything pure like that and now we’re out of fucking tissues but you know what I think I used less tissues from the box Bary gave me than the intern next to me. Have I given him a name yet? I feel like I have. I just went through some other word docs to find if I ever featured him in a story and yes, I did, his name is Kris. Kris would always wipe his hands after lunch with tissues and in hindsight it was a real waste. My nose needs those tissues, Kris and what are you doing????? Wiping your oily hands with such a precious material like god damn we have a roll of paper towels right next to it doesn’t it make sense for you to rip a piece of that for your hands which don’t require as much of a delicate touch the way your nose does? Or do you enjoy blowing your nose with paper towels Kris? Is this something I will only learn of later when you sneeze into a paper towel, someone makes a comment about, and then you divulge into an obscure story about why you like blowing your nose with a paper towel better than a tissue? So that’s today’s current tragedy I guess. Kris seems to be really enjoying life here at the office. He has someone blended in seamlessly into our local city government. I think it’s because he likes country music. Like, people who like country music can fit in very well here. The south is a hell hole. But like, the other characteristics that come with liking country music you know? Idk like speaks loudly, doesn’t mind some good banter about sports? in the middle of the day. What else? He’s like one of the boys already I mean what I’m actually describing is just a white masculinity he fits in because he’s white and cishet like what else is there to it lmao. But he also sometimes has a southern accent but he’s from upstate New York so I dunno if he’s actually just putting on a façade and every night he goes home to cry to his girlfriend about how much work sucks because he wants to be “in” but in doing so he’s compromised everything about himself. This is under the assumption that somehow growing up in upstate New York really solidified some sort of identity and then going to school out of state and also working over the summer in that same state is really testing him and his character like well fuck Kris I’m sorry you decided to drive six hours down to work here? I don’t know what to tell you. But also like this situation is highly unlikely and his slight southern accent was developed growing up and he’s really just meant for a life of southern urban city government. Also there’s this civil engineer that works here named……………… Margy he’s named Margy yes and Margy, I swear to fucking god Margy code switches when he’s in the break room with the other men in the office. I actually interviewed with him when I applied, it was him and my supervisor and the head planner, but anyway I interviewed with Margy when I was on the search for a job and we had started talking and all that shit and at no time did he have a noticeable southern accent. He still doesn’t when he talks to me actually I mean obviously he has a certain voice and inflection like that’s just the nature of different people speaking like distinct voice or whatever right but it’s not necessarily southern when in conversation with me. But then as I’m tip toeing around the office during lunch time to get my food microwaved, I’m overhearing his conversation with other men and he’s got a full blown southern accent. And that’s where the story ends I dunno I just thought it was interesting. Code switching is interesting but I haven’t read much about it or anything. Margy is a code switcher and maybe Kris is not and his accent is real but he may also be a code switcher I only have two more weeks to figure out what the truth is. And also I may be going the next two weeks without a tissue box next to me if Bary doesn’t find out the injustices that have occurred to me.
I came back from the bathroom and Bary came to talk to me just as a sidenote as to watch just happened thanks for coming to check in on my Bary I’d love to tell you about the iPad’s and their limited gps functionality while not connected to wifi of course. But anyway, let’s move on from Bary. I’m really only writing this because I don’t want to do anything with my last 50 minutes of work and like I can easily waste an hour on one of these but in all honesty I don’t have anything interesting to talk about? My meeting this morning was kind of interesting I guess? I mean not really but like it was this meeting on bike and pedestrian outreach during September and like having a social media campaign and basically just trying to schedule content and things to do and giveaway and all of that and I just thought it was kinda corny how they called things to give away in like goodie bags or some other form of free shit in a bag “swag.” Like……………………. listen this room is too white to be giving away swag. Let’s not do that. We can just call it free shit. Goodie bag works great everyone knows what the fuck is down with a goodie bag but hearing you guys say swag is like making me cringe. I mean, I personally don’t really participate in any of these meetings or any meeting or really in this office so what the fuck do I know right but like I also know like white people and swag in conjunction is gonna be corny and not necessarily the stuff we’re trying to give away like cycling socks is a good free thing to get in a bag, but my thing is we need to stop saying swag. This room has very little swagger, ladies. Aman, you know my supervisor Aman, made it worse when she said “schwag” and I just spent a minimum of ten minutes trying to unpack the further destruction of the word. Like fuck why don’t we just call every item a schlong you know? Why hold back? What would you not feel embarrassed to call your giveaway items? Schwag. Wow. I mean, in essence it’s butchering of AAVE like here’s a word black culture popularized, circulated within society as something cool, and then reached white vernacular only to die. Here lies the body of yet another word that black people made cool but couldn’t keep white people’s grubby hands off of. So that was one thing, there was also this gigantic fucking wasp looking bug that was flying around the room. Kylie got into a close encounter with it but he didn’t really seem fazed. I on the other hand watched that piece of shit like a hawk. Never came that close to me probably because it could feel my laser beam stares. Just glared at it and also thought like what the fuck? How? Where am I is this not indoors? Oh, also during the meeting I felt like I really stepped into my role as most useless intern especially in comparison to the intern from public works there, her name is Sam and it’s actually Sam but idk I’ve decided she’s not a threat to actually name in this blog because she’s over in public works I’m not in public works like she’s so far removed from me she probably doesn’t even remember my name but also I recognized her from chem discussions back in first year first semester because she reminds me a lot of Jenny and I was like wow I miss Jenny so I wanted to become her friend but we never spoke but I was always like hey that girl is probably cool there’s a very low possibility of her being not cool. But anyway, Sam seems like a super intern when in comparison to me. Like her supervisor was just like yeah she’s drafted and gotten some content lined up for our composting week and she made this spreadsheet and like, I guess Aman just didn’t feel like bragging about my beautiful newsletter design but she did mention it I guess. Idk Sam just felt more involved in this whole work thing than I ever have been and also during the meet she made a spreadsheet and like that’s because she had a computer and made like an identical calendar setup before so it wasn’t like she was doing anything revolutionary she was picking low hanging fruit if anything but like still in contrast to what I was doing, i.e. nothing, she was killing it. Thanks for nothing Sam now you’re not cool cause you revealed my true uselessness in this office.
Okay well it’s actually like almost time to go home like seven minutes until I leave so I’m not really in the mood to do anything else except go home so that’s where I’m truncating this story sorry this post was so shitty lmao but it was really just to pass the time anyway. As always, stay tuned for the drama of it all.