Getting Dragged In The Produce Section Of Kroger Specifically By The Apples
Was hanging with Elizabeth yesterday and we stopped by Kroger for groceries and also cigarillos cause this binch knows how to roll now and then she dragged me while I was trying to buy apples and I’m surprised I didn’t ask her to walk home. Very left field, very uncalled for, she repented by losing all knowledge of interacting in public. But anyway, besides short stories from yesterday, today I’m working for nine hours instead of eight. Actually, I’m working nine hours every day this week except from Friday because on Friday I’m actually working zero hours because New York where I will get to show off my new rolling skills to an even larger audience. Nine hours today though!!! I don’t know if I’ll be able to pretend to work at all during the last hour I’m gonna straight up just sit on twitter or something for that last hour. But lunch, I recently ate lunch at the office and it was a good lunch because it was my mother’s marinated pork which I cooked last night so I’m satisfied, I’m full, I’m also a little shocked at the interactions surrounding my lunch just now. We need context though. The evolution of my lunches so to speak. My first week and a half here in City Hall I ate lunch in the break room. I sat down at one of the two tables, microwaved my food, ate lunch silently while catching up on insta and then ran away back to my desk. Actually, my first day of work I was both extremely hungry and extremely uncomfortable in the break room because it was really crowded and people were talking and I just needed the microwave to warm up my curry and there were no more chairs so I had to eat standing and it was just a whole bunch of shit. But Zatch, sweet sweet Zatch, asked me about my food and he was like oh is that coconut milk and I was like yes Zatch it is and your racial ambiguity intrigues me especially with regard to your coconut milk comment just now. So Zatch had my lunches pegged from that day on, always knew I’d be eating well. The rest of the office is pretty white so I mean, no one else really noticed. The break room got increasingly less populated every time I went to eat lunch after that to the point where if I was sitting with someone who I had never talked to before, I’d be in that uncomfortable silence on my phone which like I’m down for but I dunno if you expect me to talk and engage you in good conversation or if you’re judging me for being on my phone all the time either way I’ll never know and never speak up to know. So the break room began to become a place of………………… discomfort. I liked the windows and the natural light, but the one on ones with old white men who watched sports and wanted to talk about sports was not my scene. Too gay to want to engage, too hungry to speak, too uncomfortable to speak anyway. The usual in these settings, you know? So I migrated lunch to my desk and for the past few weeks now I’ve been taken my lunches back to my desk to eat in peace while I get to look at twitter or facebook or something else stupid for 30 minutes without having to pretend I’m trying to do work so lunch at my desk is nice. Except when it’s not because I’m absolutely terrified of making noise in the office lmao. I realized how uncomfortable I am at work just super timid, super quiet, constant vigilance so that no one catches me not doing work even though I don’t really have anything to do but also refuse to ask for more work because in reality this is a good medium with regard to balancing having zero work to do and facing the extreme discomfort of my office space. Can’t blow my noise too powerfully, can’t cough for more than two times in one instance, can’t make too much noise eating. Honestly, chewing? I’m so worried someone is just actively listening to me chew. No thanks. Don’t listen to that. I am trying to enjoy my lunch. The cubicles are just so quiet sometimes it makes me feel weird like the ambient noise of the office is just typing, clicking, and the distant conversation elsewhere but there is no constant noise in the cubicle area and I am deathly terrified of changing that. So chewing is weird, clicking the lid to my tupperware is fucking terrifying, I mean, I don’t know how we haven’t tapped into my anxiety while existing in this office space as a new source of renewable energy because every day I just feel like I am exuding this awkward, quiet aura. Lmao so work is great! I half imagine being burned at the stake if I were to make too much noise suddenly but Pan, I’m gonna call her Pan it’s very close to her real name I feel like I maybe used her real name last time I talked about her but I’m changing it to Pan now, she’s that old white lady I wrote about once real quick but then stopped because I didn’t want to write about her anymore, Pan is so loud. She takes up so much space in the office with her personal phone calls and her groaning and her jumping into conversations not involving her. Pan has a real grasp on City Hall and tbh that’s my polar opposite here. Super at ease, doesn’t give a shit, I mean no one here gives a shit which is why I shouldn’t worry so much about making noise or anything but it’s hard when you feel very foreign in a space, I mean figuratively but then I’m also like one of two Asian people in the office lmao so also literally I guess. But like, for instance, my lack of comfort in the office prevents me from asking to tag along for a BMP inspection that this other civil engineering intern gets to go on. I’m genuinely just interested in looking at water resource facilities and there she goes, almost every day, while they inspect some. Like, as an intern I should definitely be asking but because I am terrified of speaking I will never. Maybe I’ll talk to the intern some time instead of the actual civil engineers. I don’t know, I’m just bullshitting ideas right now cause I probably won’t ever go on an inspection but I’m kinda fine with that. Anyway, the point is that I shouldn’t care because no one else in this office gives a shit about anything anyway so I’m being completely unreasonable but I’m also fine with that and fine with tip toeing around the office for the next few weeks until I am done? Or become like a part time intern or something.
So that’s context. A much larger context than I expected to write and I’m not sure how much of it made sense but that’s the context of how I eat lunch, why I eat lunch where I eat my lunch, why I am scared of closing of my lid and honestly just making that plastic bag noise while I put the Tupperware back into my backpack, just everything. We now have a full picture of who I am at work. Great. Anyway, today, like I said I had some meat my mom marinated for me and one time, in fact maybe the first time I ate lunch at my desk, someone came sniffing around the cubicle space like something smells good and Zatch, being a huge proponent of my lunches, was like oh it’s Todd’s food his food always smells good. And then the guy was like that’s good I’m happy for you and I mean I just said thanks? Haha thanks? Like what other appropriate response is there and the question mark is included in the answer there was no thanks full stop that day it was all thanks???? ???????? So that was interesting, but not as interesting as today when the one and only, Pan, closest racist who takes too loudly on the phone and told someone to kill their cat, comes strolling back to her desk but before she can make it even two steps into the cubicle space she’s like what’s that smell? And she goes over to Zatch’s desk area and she’s like it must be you eating that food but Zatch already knew, in fact, he had already walked by my desk and commented, smells delicious to which I was like thanks Zatch would you mind giving me an ancestry report so I can settle this whole racial ambiguity thing you have going on here with my lunch today. Still no response to that ancestry report. Anyway, there’s Pan, in Zatch’s space, there’s Zatch, about to end my life because he responds to her no it’s Todd’s lunch and Pan comes over and fuck like, I’ve only ever talked to her once and that was to introduce myself to her and after that I’ve had the great fortune of never having to interact with her ever again. But, here she was, by my desk now and looking at my food talking about, wow smells good I might have to hit you on the head for your lunch. There’s no coming back from that. I’m on her fucking radar and I’m set to die like fucking RIP like good bye world I’ve had an okay time here so far but this is it Pan would gladly kill me using a blunt object and my autopsy would read blunt force trauma and I’d be fucking dead but Pan would at least have a delicious lunch to eat courtesy of my mother. People in the near vicinity laugh at Pan’s joke, I say thank you nervously, no question mark this time since I have no question what Pan is going to do next i.e. return to my desk with something inane like a personalized meter stick made of steel or something to beat me with so that she can eat my lunch. The intern next to me? Oh, uhh, I’ll name him Kris, very very close to his real name in fact it is a homophone. A gay phone. Anyway, Kris’ only comment to Pan’s comment? He’s like haha wow what a death threat. That’s all you have to say while I’m getting threated in this office? At our desk Kris????? That’s all you can say?????? That’s all any of you have to say??????? Pan’s gonna kill me but everyone’s still mesmerized by the fucking scent of garlic, soy sauce, horseradish, salt, and sugar marinating meat like wow if only the rest of you seasoned your food you wouldn’t be so blindsided and would stop Pan from blindsiding me with her meter stick. So, that was today’s lunch. After that I ate it and thought, hey this isn’t the worst last meal I could have. I will see you guys in hell, hopefully Pan doesn’t come to hang out too quickly after I die but she could be on her way out too so who knows.
Well, I really didn’t expect to write so much about like one incident extrapolated into like ten other topics unpacking my anxious overthinking here at work. But anyway, like I briefly mentioned earlier, I learned how to roll blunts this past weekend with Sarah and Holly aka the weed queens. My first blunt wasn’t bad!!! She was not a bad blunt so I was pretty proud of myself. Going into the process, I knew you had to lick the rolling paper but not because I had looked it up before or anything but because one time there was this meme about watching your friend roll but they were doing way too much with the blunt in their mouth lmao so that’s the first time I learned that you needed saliva to properly execute a blunt, but when done properly it’s more similar to how you seal an envelope. So it’s really not that crazy but also you set the blunt on fire so like germs?????? Dead. I tried rolling a second blunt by myself last night with Elizabeth, again, as previously mentioned and aesthetically? Great blunt. Solid second blunt but in use? She was just okay, like I had spilled a lot of the bud when I was rolling it lmao like I had a little pile to put back into my grinder after I rolled it and then like it burned really fast? It wasn’t super airtight I’m trying to roll the most airtight blunt in the world one day. But yeah this blunt burned really fast and I feel like I partly wasted my weed which sucks but we only smoked half of it so I still have half a blunt to smoke sometime this week probably Tuesday I’m trying to not just end up high every night just because like, one moderation and two like when is the next time I’m gonna be up in Sterling to pick up? Prob not in the near future and how much can I rely on Ian [REDACTED] to answer my text about either hanging out for date #2 or for connecting me to some local dealer? Not the most reliable golden retriever in the world, ladies, I’ll just say that. I kinda just wanna keep rolling though. Maybe I should pick up again just so I have enough to keep rolling like I just wanna practice lmao I just want to roll the perfect blunt by the time summer is over if there is one thing I’m fucking set on it’s learning how to roll well so I just have to practice. I’m so dedicated my last real playlist on Spotify was named rollin in like all forms of that word I guess. A whole playlist in order to keep me on track. Also I say real playlist because I made an indie movie soundtrack playlist last Friday and threw a couple songs into it that have caused some intense visualization of what kind of scenes they could be used in in an indie movie but that’s not a real playlist. Indie movie soundtrack is a playlist the producers to a bio-drama about my life dig up and realize fuck I’ve already done all the soundtrack work for them and use it for the entirety of the movie about my life. It’s a good playlist, all four songs of it so far. I’d say two of the four songs on there are for the sad scenes of the movie, but one song is specifically supposed to be used when I finally confess my feelings for some love interest and sparks are flying and the movie is almost over but not quite this isn’t the last song yet it’s just got everything right for a very climactic kiss scene. I’d think some movie producer would be lucky to try and make an indie love story out of my life. They’d have so much source material if they could find this blog, they’d have a solid fucking soundtrack, I mean, I’ve done half the work for them. They’re lucky I’m a Capricorn, honestly. I have the vision and laid the groundwork necessary for my vision all they have to do is get it right. The big story arc for summer #2k17? Rolling blunts.
Okay well, I’ve been counting down both the hours until I can leave from this 9 hour shift and the hours left I have of my life seeing as Pan has yet to come around with said meter stick I expect nothing but pure chaos from Pan regardless. She’s a chaotic evil, honestly. But besides my imminent death, and as always, stayed tuned for the drama of it all.