Constant Congestion In City Hall
I just feel like my nose is always congested when I go to work and then I go home and I’m breathing so freely like what kind of biological metaphor?????? What is my body trying to tell me????? Anyway, this past weekend was a lot of fun. I kind of went home on a whim and then I ended up high like both nights back at home lmao. Friday night in the block high with Fatima and Ariana was actually a lot of fun I feel like I’m hitting functional high a lot these days and it’s great. I love doing things while I’m high. And then Saturday night I just got fucking faded at Amitav’s house. I cite the bitch cup and the last hit I took. I had packed a bowl pretty tightly to smoke with Ann and Lindsey and then Ann, or so I thought, finished the bowl but I was like the last one sitting outside and I was like okay whatever I’ll just try to ash it and see what’s good and then I took the biggest fucking hit and it was over. It was like that crazy coughing where you’ll like if a lung comes up with a cough it’s only natural I was literally just outside like fucking dying trying to regain control of my body and then later in the lyft I was unconscious while he drove to chuck e cheese so I could get cited as a child predator while waiting for my sister to pick me up from there. I can’t believe of all the places my sister could ask me to get dropped off she chose chuck e cheese like……………… girl why, you need to do better at choosing a drop off location next time. But that was the weekend. Jk bitch my weekend was so good it doesn’t even end after Saturday night. So it’s Sunday and I go back down to the apartment to prepare myself for my second to last week of work. That’s crazy. Second to last week, pretty excited to have a week of just chilling though like honestly. Anyway, like I said, back at the apartment and I brought back goodies. Not an eighth, actually the one goodie I did not get a chance to get this weekend was another eighth cause apparently my dealer’s phone died on Saturday night but that’s money she lost. But arguably I’m also in as bad of a situation as her because like I don’t have another eighth instead only the crumbs for my last bowl sometime this week. But anyway, let me not sound like a fucking stoner for a second. My sister, before her odd decision to pick me up from a chuck e cheese, scooped her friend’s ladder shelf that they were giving away to donate to the apartment which was like wow, thank you I am so moved and then eight hours later I was crossed out of my fucking mind in the backseat of her car while her and her man ordered micky d’s. Anyway, this new ladder shelf was a trip to build. It took me an hour. I was doing the most to get it all set up. The shelf parts of the shelf? Unbelievable. I was sweating at one point. Supercut playing in the background, me in the foreground kinda sweaty from a mundane task, the shelf half built lying on the ground mildly in focus. But I eventually did get it all put together and now we have two cool shelves, the first of which is that corner shelf that currently only houses my parks and rec dvd set lmao and now this ladder shelf which is proudly showing off the photobook as its sole item. I want to get more things for the shelves but I dunno what I need to find some interior design inspiration. I obviously want minimalism still but I need a push in the right direction. Other things I brought back from home were two plants: that fucking snake plant is finally a reality ladies!!!! I went to home depot with my parents on Saturday morning and just dropped the 20 inch snake plant in the shopping cart lmao and then as I was leaving on Sunday I asked my mom about this one tropical foliage plant she had outside on the deck and she was like do you want it take it I don’t want it and I was like of course I’ll adopt this plant. So I came back with two new plants and a new shelf and some beef stew and half a watermelon and five mangoes. What a haul!!!! Full transparency I had already done a small haul segment on the group snap story but like the writing version of it really gives some different context. So anyway, that’s that for Sunday.
Haha jk again here comes the spiciest part of Sunday: I had dinner date number two with the one and only Ian [REDACTED]. I had texted Ian last week in need of some human interaction and continued healing lmao so we agreed on another Sunday dinner and it was so much fun again. This time Ian said he was gonna cook since last time I did it all while he dealt with his hangover. Yesterday, Ian did all the real cooking all while dealing with a hangover yet again lmao my mans really carries around that 32 oz hydro flask everywhere and yet he’s always ending up at my place hungover as fuck. Drink your water, sis. Drink your water. So Ian didn’t really cook anything crazy but it was nice to be like served I guess in the sense that someone else cooked. I tossed the salad and cut the watermelon though so I mean also equally important. I gave him a pass on not taking off his shoes at the door this time just because like wow he’s trying really hard to cut that chicken breast right now, I mean chicken breast being a difficult texture to cut in the first place especially if you don’t have freshly sharpened knives you know? So like he wore his rainbows around which I noticed more in the beginning and less so as we continued to j chill. But anyway, besides his wearing his flip flops around he was pretty open with storytelling. I heard about his hang out and subsequent awkward conversation with his ex on Saturday which was tea. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend this past semester. He kinda shared his anxieties about the semester starting and how last semester went like poorly because of some of these same ones and in hindsight I could’ve said much smarter and helpful or like insightful things in response, but I think I said some dumb shit cause I was kinda like oh, I didn’t expect this so I was kinda slow in responding but I wish I could’ve been better in those moments from like a friendly supportive opinion standpoint. But it wasn’t like we were cutting each other’s hearts open the whole time or anything lmao we smoked before we ate and I gave him the first hit to which he responded wow I had forgotten how nicely you treat your guests. Like, yes I’ll take more validation in exchange for the order in which we smoke together. But yeah apparently him and his friends in high school would always try to get the first hit like it was a highly sought out part of the smoking process and I understand why but I also feel like if everyone’s gonna get………………………… high anyway like does it matter? Do people always purposely try to make things that don’t really matter matter? And the answer is very likely yes. But anyway, besides generalized life lessons derived from the process of smoking, we just had a good dinner. We also spent like at least 15 minutes, if not more, trying to find this one song that Ian remembers asking me about from when we lived in our cozy little suite first year. I did indeed play music often when I showered in our shared bathroom and his room was right by it so what he heard was like this very deconstructed version of the song through two walls but apparently he remembered the beat kinda but just the beat was not that helpful I’m gonna be honest. Other clues he gave last night were: it kinda had the same vibe as Lip Gloss? Black female singer? So like that narrowed it down kinda but I was far up Mariah’s ass first year, I mean I still am not much has changed tbh, and none of her songs have that fast of a bpm to be similar to Lip Gloss. So then I thought maybe Beyonce but he really felt as though if it was a Beyonce song he’d know it and like that’s fair. Ian is culturally aware, or at least musically aware, so like it’d be hard for him to not recognize a Beyonce song I think. So like we were at the table, I was deep listening to Countdown like maybe this is the beat you’re looking for and he was still adamant that he’d have recognized the bop that is Countdown if it was my shower jam that day. Since I’m friends with Ian and my standards at least mean that you know Beyonce’s discography through and through I am inclined to believe him when he says it’s not the queen. But I dunno. I scoured my first year playlists and I really don’t know what song he was thinking of? I didn’t have a robust party playlist by then but I did fuck with 212 by then so I played that and he said it was close but it wasn’t 212. I didn’t go through any another Azaelia songs cause the minute he said no I was already back on the search. I just needed to know but we never figured it out. I played the Up Out My Face (Reprise) though and made a killer joke like obv I have a slight crush on Ian [REDACTED] so like when this joke landed I was like bitch you’re really out here doing that making this boy laugh like look at you bitch look at you!!!! But I was just telling him the truth that Mariah already made the number one marching band song of all time and the fact that it’s not a staple/the only thing we hear played at stadiums is so fucking disrespectful. Like Mariah laid it all out for band camp but instead they’re just marching to hits from the 80’s or whatever. I don’t even care what they’re marching to honestly if it’s not the Up Out My Face (Reprise) it’s wrong. So idk I’ll probably text him later today with some more guesses because I just want to know which song had such a lasting impact on Ian that he’s still thinking about it today. I love my #impact. Like and comment below if you also love my #impact.
Anyway yesterday while I was building that damn shelf for an hour I first had to open the box it was in. Unfortunately for me my sister’s friend taped the shit out of that box so I had to get into a knife fight with it and I thought, one of my smaller knives should be fine for this task like I’m not doing anything but cutting tape but I was so fucking wrong. My small knife is dull as hell I guess???? That shit was the biggest disappointment yesterday like tape? It couldn’t cut through the tape sometimes? Granted it was like four or five layers of packaging tape so it had some clout it had some street cred but like logically I would still immediately choose the knife as the winner when pitted against four or five layers of packing tape but I guess if you’re scared of knife fights in the streets all you have to do is take a couple layers of packing tape on your most vulnerable body parts and pray that the assailant’s knife is like kinda dull cause then you’re just eating those stabs. Like you’re on the street looking like you’re getting stabbed but really the dull knife just can’t fucking puncture you. Crazy. Anyway, so that was another hardship in the process of building that thing but anyway then I just started thinking about knives while the knife in my hand failed me and I remembered how at New York Comic Con Umar bought a set of throwing knives lmaooooooooooooooooooo. This story in hindsight fucking kills me. Why the fuck did he buy a set of throwing knives???? @Umar do you ever read my blog you should and also comment below the status of your throwing knives like have you………….. ever used them as intended? Have you ever thrown a knife at someone in self defense? To what extent have you interacted with your knives? So anyway that’s funny as fuck it’s so extra but also I think he cousin bought a sword? Or was it a replica of a key blade? Idk whatever it was I’ve decided it’s not as funny as buying this set of throwing knives lmao fuck like the statement in itself is so fucking funny. Umar went to NYCC and all he got was a set of throwing knives. Anyway, the story gets even better because we had stayed at my cousin’s apartment while we were in New York and like, my cousin wasn’t there but his girlfriend was whatever that’s not the point the point is that they had this pretty cool knife holder that didn’t have designed slots but moveable beads? Idk how to explain it but basically you stick a knife anywhere in this thing and it transcends the old knife holder model in which you can only stick so many knives in it anyway this is not a story about knife holder design okay it’s about how Umar gave them a throwing knife as a thank you gift lmaoooooooooooooooo. Oh my fucking god he just stuck the throwing knife in the knife holder like it belonged there all along. Now that I’ve recalled this information I can’t stop thinking about how funny it is that he gave them a throwing knife. So it was the night before we were leaving and my cousin’s girlfriend came home and she was like hey and then Umar was like oh I left you guys a gift, it’s a throwing knife and she picked it up out of the knife holder and was like oh thank you? What is it like to be in that moment: you’ve just hosted these two 17 year olds in your apartment for like four days and on the eve of their departure one of them, not the one you know from family events you’ve attended but the one you met maybe once before, suddenly is gifting you a throwing knife. Like yes thank you but the shock value of this entire situation? Paralyzing. She laughed about it though but that’s just cause she’s cool and also because this entire story is really funny. So that’s a small glimpse at my NYCC experience. Maybe one day we’ll get a full rendition of it but until then this small tidbit is enough.
But that’s gonna be it from me today. I did successfully make a draft for a logo and schedule a meeting tomorrow so I’ve done my tasks for the day. I spent the last hour and a half on this post probably lmao. What was really rude was when Kris asked a different intern instead of me to go out and put traffic counters down on a street and I was just really shocked that he didn’t ask me if I wanted to be part of the three person party to put down traffic counters. But whatever in the time he’s spent out there I’ve been in here writing comedy gold. Okay well, as always, stay tuned for the drama of it all.