You recently discovered the presence of other planets outside your tiny solar system, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that some of those planets harbor life. One of them is my home planet, Zychophanoglabogallioniskstra.
I apologize for that tongue-twister, but it was the closest I could come to an English transliteration. The characters of our tongues are another matter and I didn’t want take up your precious time explaining them. Suffice it to say that I spared you a labor.
My home planet is Approximately 400 lightyears form here in the Pleiades. The trip over was murder on my family. My brother kept asking “Are we there yet?” I lost count of the times dad turned around with pure evil in his eyes and asked, “Do I have to pull over?”
It all came to a head when my sister stuck her tongues out at me and then tattled on me for looking at her. Dad slammed on the brakes and told me to get out. He left me on your moon. I was down with that. Your moon rocks, literally! Unfortunately, it was not to last.
Dad called my uncle who was only a few hundred angstroms behind us and had him pick me up. For the rest of the trip, my punishment was to listen to my uncle’s endless war stories and how he overcame the odds that were stacked against him. It was nonstop blah blah blah.
By the time I reunited with my folks, I ran into my sister’s arms and apologized profusely for looking at her. She giggled and apologized for sticking her tongues out at me. After that, we became best friends and joked about our journey to your planet.
Oh, you won’t notice any differences between us and your kind. We’re pretty good at hiding our extra tongues and don’t even think about looking for them or what we can do with them. Stop it! Stop it, right now earthling! I’m out of here.
—Lingusta Wag Ung-Ung-Ung