From the archives.
“It will taste like smoking a Lego figure”, my friend said while preparing the device for inhaling the Dimethyltryptamine, more known as DMT to those with an interest in psychedelica. I can’t say I felt brave or cool or whatever, instead I felt the same nervousness I feel when meeting a new person, maybe a new friend, for the first time. In my case it’s a slight problem with breathing, like I really would like to hyperventilate. I’ve done my research. I never, never, never go a certain path if it feels unsafe. When it comes to DMT, the magical compound said to be produced in the pineal gland in the moment of death and during the REM sleep, when we’re dreaming, it’s considered quite safe, it’s a short trip - from five to fifteen minutes - but seems to last a little bit longer when you’re in it.
So I inhaled. Twice. Leaned back. Felt how my body was filled with an energy, vibrations you can call it. So I decided to lean back and let it take me wherever it wanted to. But nothing happened. I was still awake. Still aware. Yeah, I was a bit disappointed. But maybe it wasn’t my time. Maybe the DMT didn’t want me to go there yet. To be honest, I was mostly happy I was still alive and that neither the smoke or taste was so disgusting. Now it would take me another hour until I could I could try it again. Earlier in the day I’ve grown more and more nervous. I started to read on the net and found the same horror stories over and over again, often how an 18 year old girl drown after smoking DMT. So it wasn’t the subject of tonight that killed her, she just was left alone and wandered out in the water. That’s what I wanted to believe anyway. After putting some fear into my body I open the YouTube app on my iPhone and found a couple of shorter and longer lectures with Terence McKenna, talking in his very special way about his experiences with this form of tryptamine. It felt better listen to his weird psychonaut adventures with his trademark nasal voice - which also made me a lot calmer.
Time to inhale again. This time we did it more carefully. Filled up the device with thick white smoke and I did it once, did it twice - and here I could feel the vibrations - and a third time. The room became so clear, so beautiful. There wasn’t any shadows any more, I could see every damn collectors toy standing in what usually was darkness on the shelves. It was too much, but it was also beautiful. I felt this sensation that I would close my eyes and I did it and was transported into a huge… I want to call it a spaceship but it’s not a spaceship… “place”. Long, organic corridors, constantly moving. The walls was like waves, calm waves. Or like a big piece of jelly someone had set in motion. Imagine a pattern on them like a chess board, but silver and black. What I remember it never changed color in there. From time to time there I was sensing there was something in front of me, an opening - made of light - almost like vagina, but well, more the shape of the doorway itself. I understood I needed to go in there, float to that direction, but the surroundings was so stunning I couldn’t focus.
Here’s something interesting. Many people claim to meet entities. McKenna called them Self Transforming Machine Elves, some call them Gnomes (also a McKenna reference, who likened his elves with the Pink Floyd song The Gnome), but also spiritual beings like angels, Buddha or God-like creatures, well, even aliens. I’m not a spiritual person in that sense, but around the opening, the vagina-opening, there was something that could be called wings, wings of an angel if you want to see it that way. For me it was more interesting geometry, and not something you could communicate with.
So I was floating through the corridors, or if it was the corridors floating around me and I stood still. At the beginning I realized quite quickly I couldn’t - or had no reason to - move my arms. I thought about smiling because it felt like a good moment to smile, but I couldn’t control my face. I was just there, I had no limbs - because I wanted to move my arms also, to another position, but noooooo. This might sound scary, but it was not. It was extremely peaceful. Those who know me might know I can sense a certain stress all the time, it’s in my body and sometimes in my mind, but now it was all gone. Suddenly I was outside the “spaceship” and I could see a starless universe around me. At the outside of the ship there was metallic red scaffolding, it looked like that anyway, and I was flying through and pass it. And then there was space. Black, powerful space. I could feel that I was coming out of the trip, the visuals became weaker and less powerful, but yet still there in front of me.
I looked up and saw a huge, enormous dragonfly-style spaceship floating in the darkness, also made from red metallic. It disappeared into the darkness and I was being pulled away from the two ships (I never saw that outside of the first one in a clear way), out in the darkness. Around me the space went faster and faster, I could see faces flickering by, among them a stone face. And then I was back on earth, in the sofa, smiling towards my partner sitting on the floor watching me. The trip was quite short. Six minutes to be exact, which I also heard is quite normal. My partner had one that was going on för 17 minutes. I felt great afterwards and great during the experiment. All those nervous feelings were gone. I wasn’t afraid anymore. Next time I need to go further, I need to see what's behind that doorway. The thing is, you see, I’m not afraid of death. Not that I long for that moment to happen either, but it’s nothing that makes me wanna live forever. If it’s true that Dimethyltryptamine is released in our brains at the moment of death it’s sensational. How can the body even come up with that kind of protection? A comforting way to die. That’s absolutely stunning. I think I have a sense what will happen the day I die and what will happen in my mind, and it’s a rewarding thought. To quote the British pop band The Hoosiers; “The trick to life is not to get too attached to it”.
I think that’s true. Life will be so much more fulfilling if we all just let go from time to time.
#psychonaut #tripreport #DMT #psychedelica