Yesterday I had the Worst Sex Ever, WSE as the old greeks used to say. The last time I had so crappy sex was maybe 20 years ago, and this was eerily similar - but even worse. Here in Sweden we have a saying that something is so bad that the clocks stop, and this time the clocks didn’t even stop, they withered into tiny pieces of dust just like those nuclear bomb kids at the playground in Terminator 2.
This dude, a dude between 30-35, have been writing to me several times before on Grindr, but I’ve always bowed out. I just never felt an attraction. Yesterday he wrote again and I felt bored and he was convincing - so what the fuck, let’s fuck. When I saw him coming towards the house I understood this was a big mistake. His persona was so weak, so flat and thin I could sense it 10-20 meters away.
Empty eyes, boring voice, probably the most unattractive human being I’ve met so far. He still looked kinda good, but there was something deeply wrong with him. Something disturbingly boring and loveless. And I felt, this will be shittier than shit. And it was.
After looking at my enormous… movie collection he declared that the only way to watching movies was with dubbing, because it was IMPOSSIBLE to enjoy a film by reading subtitles. He continued telling me how The Last Jedi was horrible (I haven’t seen it yet, but I had to stop him from spoiling it), how Netflix sucked and some other shitty stream service was MUCH better (I honestly don’t care), commenting on the apartment - both the good and the bad parts to be fair, that he was allergic to cats, 99% just negative things about basically everything he saw. Oh, and I also claimed that freedom of speech is applicable on Grindr, and that it was wrong of me to block trolls and haters. I explained to him (I’m actually sure he also claimed to be a lawyer in the middle of everything, but then turned out to be a flight attendant) that Grindr has nothing to do with freedom of speech.
And my dick just became smaller and smaller from the SHOCK of how unbelievably unattractive this guy’s mind was.
And then it was time for sex.
Fuck. I mean, I’m a polite person. I didn’t tell him he was so fucking retarded I just couldn’t get hard (and let me remind you, I have four steady lovers and a great husband, so I have no problem getting a hard on!) so after a while I told him I was to nervous blamed it on being worried about my body - to which he replied, in-between trying to suck my cock, if I ever thought about doing a gastric bypass!
WHO THE FUCKS ASKS THAT DURING A BLOWJOB?! Who the fuck?!
Yeah, I got depressed there for a while, but then I kinda felt that I was superior to him. I was smarter than this idiot and I’ve learned one important lesson from it all: trust your dick. If there’s not the slightest form of vibration in the lower regions when chatting with someone about sex, just don’t engage in sexual activity of any kind.
#sex #worstsexever #fucking #fuck #sexlife #openrelationship #gaylife #writing