i wish i was not the way i am.
anxious. sad. terrified. mad.
i wish i was courageous, kind, happy and of sound mind.
but i am none of that. but i wish i were.
i wish things were different.
i wish i could speak louder than what my ambiguous words could ever be.
i wish i was carefree, calm: my heartbeat no longer erratic and my breaths no longer staggered.
i wish i was not always filled with dread.
i wish i would stop pretending.
i wish i could answer the phone without my heartbeat picking up.
i wish i could be happy.
i wish for many things.
i wish for too much.