Dear Hank, It was probably a mistake to release the new teleporter device into the consumer market at such an early stage. Last night, Mrs. Higgins tried to teleport her husband home from work and instead teleported Captain Kangaroo into Buzz's Floor Lamp Warehouse at 10th and Carlson in Miami. He's purchased about five of the things within his first hour there, but really he's not quite himself and keeps insisting on ham. I've sent the tenth scholar stone bob with the believable bandwidth to sort out a strategic formula. Unfortunately, I tried to teleport him there, and he ended up in the Bubble of Bubbles Car Wash in Portland, Maine. He doesn't have a car with him but is going through full service anyway. An officer has been called in from our special division to hand him a cabbage that contains several important keys which we had hoped would be a triumph, but unfortunately the officer was travelling there by teleporter, and he's ended up in Emily's cave somewhere in Death Valley. Unsure what to do, he's handed the cabbage to her valet and then called a cab, heading north along the west ridge. I'm telling you this teleporter does not discriminate against any form of possible error and subsequent chaos. I've called the emergency diagram worm onto the scene to try and straighten out the mess, but he's just teleported into my aunt's lingerie closet. With a few clicks, we've abused science, and it's clear that it's not going to help us now. In fact it's turned its back on us, offering us an irrational plaster and a torn spectrum blanket. In defiance it left a tomato on my doorstep this morning, sending me a very clear, and of course bleak, warning. I'm not really sure what can be done next. I have a call in to the hopeful twin, if for no other reason, to just provide us with some unrealistic optimism. When the top brass catches wind of all this, I'm afraid there will be a low-budget documentary directed by Chief Upper Bounce and starring your sister, Grace. This of course will be followed by dragon's sweat, warehouse dancing, and a loss of faith. I'll keep you posted as events roll in. That's all for now. -- Roger in Engineering
#surrealism #absurdist #abstract #strangehumour #ridiculous #microfiction #microstories #minishortfiction #bizarre #strangefiction #fiction #prose #dada #surreal #nikthursday
I love this whole composition... & these two sentences in particular I'm fiercely jealous of: "With a few clicks, we've abused science, and it's clear that it's not going to help us now. In fact it's turned its back on us, offering us an irrational plaster and a torn spectrum blanket." It's hard to choose a stopping point when quoting, because the whole last third of this piece grows really strong -- and that's even after starting out on the right foot (all talk of teleportation devices, "believable bandwidth", and men devoid of vehicles at car washes "going through full service anyway" is my definition of correct-footedness)! ...I love the use of the phrase "of course" in the passage "a very clear, and of course bleak, warning"; also I love the concept of "unrealistic optimism" (which is the best kind, because, more often than not, it decides to become real after all, just to spite possibility); and my short-term memory's brand-new all-time-favorite sentence is officially now the following: "When the top brass catches wind of all this, I'm afraid there will be a low-budget documentary directed by Chief Upper Bounce and starring your sister, Grace."