Breaking a cycle is one of the most challenging of accomplishments. We cling to daily cycles like buoys in the ocean.
I existed for years in a serial monogamous relationship cycle, getting into the mode is easier than you realize. Being in long-term committed relationships influences your worldview wholly. You talk about everything in "us" and "we" terms, always checking-in and supporting, compromising, team building, being there, moving the proverbial ball forward.
You get into a pattern which feels like a cozy hammock, just you and your partner. Then, once the relationship has run its course, you're back out there. You spot another spark in the darkness, you guide your hands cupping tinder in attempt to stoke another blaze, as big as you can make it and for as long as it will burn. Sometimes the fire grows eternal and remains a warm space indefinitely.
You may ultimately find a place where you see yourself in a moment of clarity, realizing going from one relationship to the next comes at a cost—that’s you. There's a proverb I read some time ago, "It's not about finding the right one, it's about being the right one." That, of course, requires deep knowing and brutal self-honesty.
I didn't know myself until I lived alone and had to occasionally occupy large extents of time on my terms. Self-knowing pays dividends in the form of growing a support network reflecting the discoveries found within.
When I moved into my house, I vowed never to have another roommate until a relationship had gotten to the living-together point. Occasionally, I meet folks baffled by those of us who live alone. I gaze back at their curious faces, puzzled how the fearful always need others around, unable to sit in quiet contemplation, settle their minds, or disarm the fears in an empty house.
The truth is, we're never alone. Loneliness arrives in healthy bouts, burning reminders of our communities. Indulging in solo time offers perspectives on connection and reflects in the munificence brought upon by the good souls in our world. A further extension that the best caliber relationships reside on a healthy foundation of self-knowing.
Song of the Day: California X – “Mummy”