So my latest jump into edating is making it pretty clear that a smartphone is pretty standard equipment for online dating now. This is not good for me. I've held out with my dumbphone for a long, long time now, and have resisted the jump to smartphones for one simple reason: I'm cheap. I am extremely wary of adding another monthly utility bill. That's it.
Well, there's a bit more. I never got the hang of texting. My thumbs just didn't want to work that way. Plus, by the time texting came around, it was already obsolete for the purposes of my circle of friends, who were all married and had kids and blah blah blah. In the big city, sure, absolutely. In Hamilton, and for me, I could get away with not texting. Who was I going to text? I only use my dumbphone to call Mom, Sis, and possibly CAA.
But it's becoming more and more obvious that I'm going to need to upgrade. Such is my loathing to upgrade to a quickly-outdated smartphone that if it means no success in online dating, well, I guess that's what it's going to have to be then. Call me cheap, call me a luddite -- I just donwanna.
This all came up with OKC Girl, when she asked me to text her (well, not all of the above, just the bare bones). I had to admit that I didn't know how to text, and only had a dumbphone, because that was all I ever needed. My fakebook friends found that admission charming. OKC Girl, less so.
Following on that, I also admitted that I was a bit self-conscious about using the phone-phone, given that I'm severely hearing impaired (which is pretty reasonable, I'd say). She went off for a bit, saying that that was all the more reason to start texting (and perhaps she's right).
But then there was a weird bit. She started going on about how great hearing aids are now, and when was the last time I tried them (18), and they've vastly improved them since then (probably true, sure), and that I should try them again.
I was polite about it, but that part was really fucking annoying. Well intended, sure, but super obnoxious.
I know the limits of my disability better than anyone. I know my limits way better than a stranger on the internet. And I know -- as she didn't -- that since my inner ear nerves have been severed, there's not much that a hearing aid can do for me. You may have improved toaster technology in the last twenty years, and yo may have a far better toaster now than when you were eighteen, but if you can't plug it in, that toaster still won't work. Hearing aids, no matter how better, can't do shit for me simply because the nerves have been severed, and can't be plugged in.
When I did have an aid, all it did was make what I could already hear louder. It didn't increase the range, or the definition, because it can't -- not on me, anyway. And so I gave them up, because they were annoying more than anything else.
So yeah. Well intentioned, but -- no. On a technical basis, no. But also on a societal basis.
I'm fine with my hearing impairment. It's the way I am. This is normal to me. This may be strange to someone on the outside, but I feel no need to be 'improved' or 'standardized' to hearing levels most people have. There is nothing wrong with me that needs to be fixed. I do not need to become like you. Your mode of existence is not normative.
So don't suggest that I need fixing, thanks. I'm good the way I am.
It's been gnawing at me since that time. I was polite about it on the phone (not wanting to start a fight with someone you're hitting on), but it really irked me. Firstly, because she was giving advice about my physiological state when she knows nothing about it, and secondly, the attitude that I must want to be like everybody else. (If a hearing impaired person wants cochlear implants -- hey, their choice, and knock yourself out. It's not for me.)
Assuming that I must want to change, and become like you?
This is my normal. This is my disability. Get used to it. If my disability makes it inconvenient for you, well, tough shit. I don't need to change -- you need to become more worldly, and grow the fuck up.
Thus endeth today's rant.