So this morning I was a sweary mess.
I had sent out a message to OKC girl on Sunday night, replying to one of hers, and then yesterday at lunch, I sent out a message just asking how her day was going. And then nothing. She was active on the system, just not replying to me.
After I got home after my volunteer thing, I sent one more, offering my thoughts on one of her albums (as she had asked for). And still nothing. Her little green light was on.
Time to face the musician's music, then, and admit to myself that she wasn't interested. Either she was interested in someone else, or -- as I had feared and expected -- I had managed to fuck it up.
This morning, turned off the snoring app, made the rounds of sites, and -- still nothing.
I was crushed. All the usual neuroses came back in full force, that of course it was going to end in nothing, because it's me. That's how it must always go. I make myself emotionally unguarded to allow for the possibility, and I get kicked in the teeth. And with Valentine's Day coming up. Always fucking Valentine's Day.
Checked messages again before I left the house, and there it was -- a new message from her, saying that she replied last night, but somehow it didn't send. Well, that's a change in my fortunes, then. Good!
But yeah. High and low emotions. I'm not cut out for this stuff. Everything with online dating is so very tentative and delicate, but at the same time, all extreme in its responses. It's maddening to go through. And I'm not sure I'm cut out for it -- the exhaustion comes on pretty thick.
We'll see. Suggested trying for a chat session tonight. Maybe, maybe not. Have to remain open to the possibilities, but it goes against every instinct of my being. Huge problem of mine, and a big reason why I'm in this mess in the first place.
Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! [sigh]