So it's coming up on three weeks now, since Cort killed herself.
I still don't know the story. Maybe the story isn't important.
It's strange -- I went through all five stages of grief for her, this person I hardly knew. She was only an acquaintance, really, so why all of that? Was it just because she was young, talented, and pretty? Was she a stand-in for something else for me? Who knows -- but the feels were there nevertheless, and pretty strong.
However, there is something more odd. I went through all of the five stages, including anger and bargaining, through to acceptance. I was eventually OK with it all as a simple fact. And then over the past couple of days, I've gone back to bargaining. And what is that?
I keep thinking about retroactively exchanging her chosen future for a life with me, instead. Go back in time, and make a deal.
It's nonsense, of course. It makes no sense whatsoever. But such are the thoughts creeping around my head.
Brain is weird.