So tomorrow night I have Date #2 with Guelph Girl. I haven't been on a Date #2 in, well, since my last girlfriend, back in mumblemumble.
To say that I'm rusty doesn't even begin to cover it.
Date #1 was very nice. Exceptionally pleasant. But no fireworks or anything. Is pleasant enough? Enough to get a Date #2, obv., but beyond that? How do I get fireworks going this time? Our communication since Date #1 has been pretty minimal, and one-sided on my part. I'm not sensing a huge interest on her side, frankly.
But yeah. Date #2. Now I have a huge problem. The first kiss.
I have never gone in for a kiss on Date #1 (I may be using seriously obsolete dating protocols, or paid too much attention to lessons on Unwanted Touching). So the kiss-or-no-kiss question is nicely avoided on Date #1, and I don't think she was in the place for it anyway.
But is it expected for Date #2? Probably. And when to go in? What counts as a green light? It's this shit that I've totally forgotten.
There's plenty of advice online about it, and it's all useless. 'Be confident'. No shit. 'Go for light touching first, to see if she's OK with it', like holding hands (OK), arm around her (OK), or brushing her hair from her face (umm, what? personal space?). IT'S ALL FUCKING USELESS GENERALITIES WHICH DON'T HELP ONE BIT.
Be confident, try to read her, and don't go overboard. Yeah, thanks. Even I knew all that. If I had any skill in reading women, I wouldn't be in this fucking mess now, would I?
In other dating news, I was going to delete my OKC profile in advance of my billing date. I thought that billing date was the 25th (I'm convinced it was, actually), but it went through on the 21st, so now I'm on until fucking JULY. Another fifty bucks tossed away. So, I didn't delete, I only deactivated my account. It's all still there, just inactive. It'll need to be inactive for the Boat, and me going off the system is (I hope) a good signal to Guelph Girl (who is still on, or was, the last I checked). And how confident must I be in Date #2 if I'm not actually deleting the profile I spent so much work on? (A: Not Very.)
I am overthinking everything. That's my basic problem. Online profiles, when to kiss a girl -- everything. And there's no solving my overthinking save for jamming a screwdriver in my ear to disable my brain.
I really do hate this shit. Why am I doing it again?