I have to come to a resolution on this Dutch Girl crush. It's a placeholder crush, where I insert some girl into whatever little daydreams, without actually knowing anything about them. It's terribly unfair to the woman in question, should I ever act on it, because -- hey, she's never given me a reason to.
Or has she? That's the tricky part with this one. She's always nice, but it's the old trap of falling for someone who is nice to you because she's in the service industry and that's her job. But then, she's nice to me at other times, and others just polite, and I can't tell. There's no green light, I know that much. And so I'm stalled.
And yeah -- it's a placeholder crush. It's the blank possibility of it all which allows you to insert them into your little daydreams, like a preteen falling for some pop star. The usual solution is to find another placeholder, someone you can harmlessly insert into your idle fantasies, and they never know anything about it. Should a placeholder crush go on, that's when the stupid stuff happens. Think about a placeholder crush for too long, and then you start thinking about them as an actual possibility, and that's a Bad Idea, and please don't.
But I'm stuck here at work, where I don't encounter anyone who could take her place as my object of fantasy, and I strive to avoid any kind of workplace awkwardness as it is. I'm out often enough, but women my age are rarer and rarer and good luck. If I do meet someone, it's increasingly age-inappropriate, and I creep myself out by thinking about it. So Dutch Girl is it, I'm afraid, and being a great paper match is only stoking the fire.
If I could only find out that she's involved, that would kill the crush immediately, and yes please. But for months now, I've been checking for signs, and there aren't any either way. A BF back in April, judging by FB pics, but now -- who knows?
I hate it when I get like this. I just want it to stop. Holiday season just makes it worse. It's a bumpy road until February 15th.