So because I haven't updated in a while, and because there's no other outlet for this shit...
Went on the date Friday night. Odd. She was super-excited beforehand, and when it actually happened, she was quite uninterested. When she came walking up and finally saw me, I could the the disappointment on her face. And then during the date, she avoided any eye contact. I can take a hint, I guess.
The conversation went well enough, but try as I might, I could not just get her engaged in talking.
So, I walked her back to her car, did the handshake-into-a-hug thing, and thought that was that. I was under no illusions how the date went. I got home, sent an email saying 'thanks for the date, I hope you had a nice time', and left it at that -- I did NOT ask for a second date, which is a pretty big signal on these things (I think, anyway). She replied the next day, saying the same thing.
Then she emailed, being chatty about how my house painting went that day.
Uh oh. The hint wasn't taken. So, I had to send out a reply saying that I was sorry, but didn't feel the click, and all the best. She immediately responded to that in a huff, saying how she only wanted to know how my painting went, and that she wasn't asking for a second date.
Umm, OK. I thought that was it -- I guess I was wrong.
As background to all this, it came out that she's in the process of splitting up with her ex of six years, and still moving out of their house. So maybe it wasn't me at all. Lived at her parents' place until she was thirty, then moved in with this ex, and now at thirty-six will be living on her own for the very first time.
Whatever. In any event, going on more dates is good. Practice until I get it right.
And in something completely unrelated, I have a FB friend, someone I used to be interested in when I lived in St. Kitts. Only she was always going out with someone, and I missed a window of opportunity that was like, less than a week. A real cutie, and smart as a whip.
Or, so I thought. Since friending her on FB, she's outed herself as an anti-vaxxer AND anti-fluoride, home-schooler, and all kinds of other new agey stuff. She was a doula, but I think that's fallen by the wayside now. I don't respond to any of the new agey stuff, although I do think it's a pile of crap. She comes to it all from a personal rights libertarian perspective, which I can see, but I still belive in this larger thing called 'public health'. And that's her thing, and it has nothing to do with me, so what do I care?
Anyway, she's going through a rough breakup. She already broke up with the father of her kids (which was when I last had contact with her), and now it's some cool musician who finally stopped fighting off the women who were after him.
She had a line the other day about 'seeing a road not traveled', and how one (she) had to remark to themselves about how they 'dodged a bullet, there'.
So true. So very, very true. Oh, what a mess I would have made if I had gotten what I wanted back then...
Being on OKC again and dating, while not successfully, at least has the benefit of reminding me how much happier I am on my own. I lose sight of that sometimes, but really -- this misanthrope is best kept in isolation, away from others. L'enfer c'est les autres. I have things set up exactly as I like -- why would I spoil that?
The thought of meeting someone, and having to share my house or give it up for something larger, fucking terrifies me. I've put so much work into my house, how could I just give it up?
Stupid reason, I know.