So yeah, OKC. What else do I have to talk about?
Strange thing is going on. It's something of an addictive-compulsive behaviour. Firstly, there's the need to keep going back onto the site, to see if there's any updates. That's bad enough. However, the second part is that because there are no responses, I feel compelled to put out more and more messages.
It's like a gambling addiction in a way (not that I know anything about gambling addictions). Because you have this stream of 'losses', you keep chasing after more and more remote possibilities, hoping for the 'win' that will erase the bad luck you've had so far. Or something like that.
Dunno. I dislike the preoccupation with it all (as I now share with you), which is why I'm much happier off the system. The preoccupation is another sign of addictive behaviour, isn't it? And here I am, addicted to this thing that isn't doing me any good. It's an addiction to self-destructive behaviour in a way, in that I'm only getting negative reinforcement, going through more and more of it pursuing some goal which I don't know what is anymore.
When I'm not edating (or trying to edate), I thought about all this a LOT less. That's such a more attractive state, but a self-defeating one, I suppose. I can't wait until these three months are up. If I last that long.