I am soundly slipping into Grief Phase: Anger. It's like I can feel the adrenaline in my teeth There was a small group at the memorial service, and it was just right; I knew that a couple of people that wanted to come had previous engagements, and that was okay. Many were too far away to come. Again, okay. What gets my goat is the local folks who have contacted me today, saying they'd forgotten, or they didn't know, or whatever, as if I am supposed to give them absolution for flaking when I've been planning this service since I picked up his ashes over a month ago and I've been actively discussing it on my FB page and elsewhere. So, I have no ready response for that. It's disrespectful, in my opinion, to even make excuses; just say "I heard the service was nice" or whatever and move on. I was fine without them there; they shouldn't try to make it about them after.
I am reminded of a fellow I cohabitated with many moons ago that stepped out while I was out of town, and felt obligated to confess, though it was a one-time thing, a stranger, and I'd have never known about it. Yes, he broke trust. But his desire to gain forgiveness was more about his feelings of guilt than about the relationship between us being sullied by his thoughtless behavior. It's passive-aggressive to try to shift your gnarly feelings onto someone else just to make yourself feel better.