Welcome to #FortNightMare - a fortnightly illustrated alphabet project that I’ve started for the grand year of 2016. Now, as you know, there are 26 fortnights in a year, 3 toes up my nose and 26 letters in the alphabet - how convenient is that? Every two weeks I’m gonna crudely draw one of the Fort Nightmare residents so that you can watch out for their pritts and their sticks - what a scene!
I saw the letter #L in the breakfast hut on a cold December morning. I’d been sweepin’ and keepin’ the place clean so they let me have myself a big ol’ egg and three rounds of toast for good behaviour. I carried my egg carefully over to the stove and hard boiled it for three quarters of an hour. Everything was going well until I plonked him on my plate and left him to cool. I was just about to tap at it with my teaspoon, but it rolled off my plate and landed on the floor with a rat, a tat and a heck of a splat. I tried to mop it up with my toast, but that egg was rotten like drains and ill-gotten gains. Green as a bean, he was, so I had to crunch down my dry, eggless toast like a chump in a slump. Watch out for this one guys - it’ll soak your hopes with yolky nopes!