Welcome to #FortNightMare - a fortnightly illustrated alphabet project that I’ve started for the grand year of 2016. Now, as you know, there are 26 fortnights in a year, 92 porks on the pine and 26 letters in the alphabet - how convenient is that? Every two weeks I’m gonna crudely draw one of the Fort Nightmare residents so that you can watch out for their aggs and their grows - what a scene!
I saw the letter #J when I was assemblin’ me a ghetto toastie on a cool thursday meal time. I had procured myself a slice or two of granary loaf from Jilly Ween, the bread hustler. They weren’t too fresh, but I’d been living off cold gruel and warm water for eight days so I happily took ‘em and paid Jilly with a crude drawing of a magpie. I’d also managed to acquire myself a small cube of ham, two long jalepeño peppers and a slice of old cheese. I toasted up my bread slices fiery and hot then I laid the cheese down, but before I knew what was happening the darn thing started shrieking at me, jumped high in the air and hid under my wardrobe. I tried to coax her and hoax her but that young Brie McGee was stuck quick like a wicker stick. Watch out for this one - she’ll waste your toast and chase your ghost!