Welcome to #FortNightMare - a fortnightly illustrated alphabet project that I’ve started for the grand year of 2016. Now, as you know, there are 26 fortnights in a year, 9 laces in a shoe and 26 letters in the alphabet - how convenient is that? Every two weeks I’m gonna crudely draw one of the Fort Nightmare residents so that you can watch out for their oinks and their zoinks - what a scene!
I saw the letter #F when I snuck down to the kitchens one evening to steal me some seconds. It was gruel night, you see, and I couldn’t get enough of that slimin’ rhymin’ climbin’ gruel. Man oh man, it was good gruel! Anyway, I was peepin’ in cupboards and pantries when I was rumbled by this odd shaped tube of extra-low quality sausage meat. He started shrieking and leaking for the guards, so I covered his mouth up with my foot. I was tryin’ to pipe him down, you see, but all I did was pipe him up. He bit my toes and before I knew it I was being hauled back to my room with no gruel like a chump and a fool. Watch our for this one - he’ll squeal and steal your meal - what an ordeal!