You’re everywhere yet you’re nowhere to be seen. Do you know that I still look for you in every room I enter? The first time I saw you after you called it quits my hands shook for an hour. I used to be able to feel your eyes on me across the table, across the room, and even when you woke before me on Sunday mornings. This loss is devastating, but I still crave to see you, feel you, and hear your voice. I’ve already begun to forget the sound of you telling me you love me and the sound of your voice cracking when you would open up to me.
You’re in my room. You’re in the dining hall. You’re at the place where we first met. You’re in my head. You may be out of sight, but my God you are everywhere to me. I see us sitting in the pub after breakfast. I see you walking towards me in the hallway. I see you reaching out to brush your fingertips across my arm. I see the mischief illuminate your eyes when I ask you to come over after class.
I still yearn to feel your message vibrate in my pocket, but again it is no longer you; only the ghost of your words remain in the foreground of my mind. I stare at the black mirror and wait for your name to replace my own image. It'll take time to realize that you are no longer my first text in the morning nor are you my last text at night. Despite this I still look, feel, and listen for you.
Your scent suffocates me at the strangest times. I whip my head around and again you’re like a ghost, vanishing in plain sight. I'm not sure if this was your plan; to consume my mind and thoughts and then leave. Regardless of your intent, I will wear my scars from you like a new perfume. Something new, but soon it will consume my skin, my clothes, and my room. Just as you did.