Early this morning is when it started. Little things ate at me all morning. No one thing can be seen as the tipping point. Screams of unmonitored children that were running all over the store, customers making unreasonable requests. People more interested in hearing the sound of their own voices rather than hearing my opinion on a given subject.
Slowly the rage builds as I go through my day dealing with things that tear at my sanity, it chips away at my disposition minute by minute. The anger building, a cup too full and in danger of spilling over. I work hard all day trying to hide from the rage. Hoping it doesn't catch up to me. The music playing in the store isn't helping. The same songs over and over.
I could just snap if one more customer steps intentionally in my way. I turn my back for a brief second and bam there they are right in front of me. No regard for personal space. There is literally nothing that isn't rubbing me the wrong way. I feel like a raw nerve that's exposed to wind. Irritated as everything that interacts with me.
I don't how much more I can take without snapping and looking for something or someone to take it out on. That feeling to just want to hit something repeatedly until your out of energy, then hit it again and again and again until your own knuckles are bleeding. Tape your knuckles up and head in for round two. Punch and punch and punch until whatever it is your punching feels your pain.
The thin string that is my rage hangs on dearly, ready to break and send me into the fits of anger, rage and darkness. What's holding me back? Why haven't I snapped? Why haven't I lost control and turned green and started destroying everything in sight. Is it self preservation kicking in? I don't think so. I don't feel like I care much about that.
Once I got the chance to really step back and take a look at why I didn't lose it completely I come to realize that it was fear. Fear of what I could do, what I so easily could have done, what would have brought sweet relief and utter exhaustion to a weary and worn set of nerves.....
Today I was thankful for my fear.
Today I embraced my blind fear.
Today I held tightly to my Fear.
Today my fear kept me from descending into darkness.
@ellowrites @ellopoetry @elloadventure @nevoazul
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