This is one of those photos that just “happened” by chance. We were finishing up the night. We were both cold. The sun was almost gone. It was time to call it a night. I quietly walked behind her. She didn’t notice that my camera was on her the whole time. And then, I depressed the shutter and she heard the camera go off. She turned to me and just gave me a “look”. That’s usually how it is with her. A look. Unspoken. Not much more is needed.
I didn’t think this would be a photo worth keeping. I was just messing around. But as it happens I am really intrigued by this photo for a few reasons. One, it came out like this - the blur, the colors, everything. I barely touched it up. Two, I noticed her head position. It’s familiar. Head down. I have spent most of my life with my head down. For one reason or another. But I know it well. I know the feeling. The thoughts. I look at this picture and I am reminded just how much she is like me. I’m reminded of the pain she will experience, alone with her thoughts. I’m reminded how tough life is and how imperfect I am.
But then another thought comes into my mind. I’ve learned. I’ve studied myself for over a decade. Digging into the depths of my feelings. Coming to grips with who I am and what is happening inside of me. It fills me with hope that maybe I can help her, guide her. Of course, she must be receptive and understand what I’m trying to say. But, I’m here for her. Quietly walking behind her. Even if she doesn’t know it until the shutter sounds.