As I sit here, on an inflatable inner tube, in the middle of an abandoned living room, with access to the Holiday Inn's wifi...I ask myself "What is the meaning of life?" I take off my duck slippers, I take off my duck socks, and before I begin, I feed them to my ducks. Thinking loudly and with the use of my mouth, I ask, "What does it all mean God!?" God answers: "My name is Billy and you're sitting in my murder room." God was always one to talk in riddles but to help open my eyes to his master plan he saran wrapped me to a table and covered the room in plastic. As everyone knows, the Lord works in mysterious ways. So I ask him again, "What does it mean, God? What does it mean?!" God takes a blood sample from my cheek and then begins telling me what pigeons taste like. Then there was a sharp, stabbing sensation in my heart and I could hear the ducks quacking. I don't remember what happened next but here I am outside these bright, shiny gates, and again I find myself asking, "What does it all mean?" The guards are winged and majestic and composed of complicated light prisms. They don't speak to me but then a man appears. The most glorious man I have ever seen. Not even a man. Simply...a being. The being speaks, "I know the meaning of life." This intrigued me because I just so happened to be pondering this very same question earlier. So I say, "And you are?" The being speaks again, "I. Am. God." It was right then I knew I may never know the answer to my question, so I turned around and started walking away. But before I left, I turned back to the being and said, "Nice try, by the way. God's real name is Billy! Ha!"
...and I've been searching for the meaning of life ever since.