KELLYANNE CONWAY RELEASES HER INNER SONGWRITER
by Comandante Chispas
We all have a secret longing to coalesce our inner world with the outer one. We want to have our soul mesh perfectly with the wheels of destiny -- to be why we are here. Few people achieve it. Maybe Bob Dylan.
I know it will come as a total surprise but Kellyanne Conway in her heart of hearts does not want to be a presidential spokesperson for Donald Trump. No -- she does not want to hobnob with world leaders or do the talk show circuit or make commentaries on "Meet The Press" and CNN every 10 minutes.
Kellyanne really wants to be an artist.
To that end she recently composed a popular song. She says it authentically depicts her true state of mind. I will go straight to the refrain:
I´m the happiest girl
in the whole U.S.A.
and diddly shit,
When I informed Kellyanne that the words and tune closely resembled -- suspiciously so -- the |972 hit by Donna Fargo, she positively beamed.
"You´re wrong, Comandante Chispas. I´m not a plagiarist! Alternative fact #1."
She added she had sent the song to record producer Jerry Wexler who discovered Ray Charles and Aretha Franklin.
"There´s a problem," I noted. "Jerry passed away in 2008."
She smiled broadly. "False news! Alternative fact #2."
"Sorry, Kellyanne -- I knew Jerry. I used to listen to music at his place on Siesta Key. We chowed down on boatloads of stone crabs, drank crates of Chateauneuf-du-Pape. "
Her smile instantly metamorphosed broad/broader/broadest. "Not so! NOT SO! Why would he invite a dog to his home? Alternative fact #3."
Kellyanne stated that life had taught her the value of persistence, and that she had sent "Happiest Girl in The Whole U.S.A." to the Beach Boys. After receiving no response, she sent it to Nirvana, The Clash, The Ramones, and Black Sabbath.
"You have a singular dilemma," I observed: "those bands are disbanded."
Her reaction was instantaneous. "THAT´S A LIE! Alternative fact #4!"
Kellyanne said she was undismayed and, anyway, had an ace in the hole. Bob Dylan. She sent him her song last week and was waiting on pins and needles. She JUST KNEW that if he would sing it, she would have a monster hit, an instant classic, on her hands.
It is rumored among music professionals that Bob Dylan´s reception of Kellyanne´s song was slightly less than cordial.
Kellyanne´s composition has -- as they say in the trade -- hitherto remained in manuscript form.
@ello @ellowrites @trump #KellyanneConway @bobdylan #BobDylan @thebeachboys @ellohumour @dada @absurd @ellomusic #DonnaFargo #HappiestGirlinTheWholeUSA #JerryWexler