i rarely go out to drink, if only a few of my friends will come, especially if it's a party. when i got an invitation from a friend of mine, i told myself fuck it, go to the party, and enjoy myself.
i mean, it's a farewell party for my friend and i'm pretty sure we've had a solid relationship so i thought that even if i was by myself, i'll be enjoying the rest of the night drinking and maybe getting out a few small talks from the people who also came.
back in college, with or without the influence of alcohol, i was a pretty friendly guy. i talk to a lot of people especially if i feel that they're not enjoying the party. it became second nature for me to help other people enjoy the party at the expense of tiring myself.
that's what we extroverts do right? just become the life of the party? get energy from other people?
during those times, i was so sure of myself that i'm a full blown extrovert and that was the only way for me to gain friends. for me to feel loved and appreciated.
turns out, people change from an extrovert to an introvert. that's what happened to me.
dont get me wrong, i still love talking to people. i can get around small talks now and then but as soon as i lose interest in them, i quickly dismiss them.
i told myself,
oh, im pretty much satisfied with the circle of friends i have, do i really need to add more? relationships are tiring to maintain and no matter how helpful social media is, i dont think it's enough. you still have to see them personally.
what happened that night told me otherwise.
i miss talking to people. i miss seeing them smile whenever i make jokes. i miss them wanting more stories to go out of my mouth and into their ears. i miss meeting new people and awkwardly forget their names throughout the night. i miss having those 3 am conversations that go nowhere and somehow end up back to where we started. i miss having time to spend with my friends. i miss texting them. i miss surprising them telling them that im outside their house waiting for them to come out.
i dont know if it's the alcohol talking but yes, i miss those feeling.
im going to be better at it. not just sure when, but i will be.