I've been dealing with loss, the person I had started seeing since September loss his mom tragically and we had been dealing with unresolved issues. There still unresolved but he decided to tell me he needed time away from me and time on his own. I don't know how long this time frame is, I don't know even if when were back in touch we'll be together, start over or just completely end it. The waiting sucks, I think I invested a lot of time in him and trying to build something.
But I should have been investing time in me and that is just what I am about to do. Relationships are hard and though there are amazing moments you have to want to be there, want to stick around and want to love the person your with. I have feelings of being abandoned, loss and a lot of that seems to happen at the wrong times of the year. I'm also feeling under the weather, I sort of feel like I just need a break. I'm focusing on myself, my goals and my future. I want to be independent of anyone I'm with, maybe I made a few mistakes but I'm only human.
I want someone who is in my life to understand that and even with my flaws still choose to stick around anyway. I don't know if that will ever happen in my life, I'll continue to love and be open to whatever comes. I don't want to be depressed, shut down, I want to strive to be the best me I can. I think I'll be able to do that even if it's hard, I'm a survivor.