But why would I care about something like that? Why would I bother questioning that? Why would I look back all over again, in the hope that I would see something different? Because that's the exact point. It still hurts. And I still wanna double check for the 1000th time whether I missed something.
So let's see. There was passion - check. There was tension. BIIIG tension. 4 years. Yep. Then the chance - the single picture. The single same picture - I didn't have one. I merely was there. What would happen next? Nothing. It was a singular episode. That will not repeat itself (hopefully). Then - the online talk. Take another year. 2 more girlfriends. Then take the chance to meet. The common event. The slow, slow pursuit of actually meeting in person. Instant flame. Both sides. Two opposites, a single core. But never meeting. The stronger the effort to be together, the stronger the pushback. And the void left afterwards. Never being anywhere near to that happy, that aware, that alive again.
I'll keep putting these here. This is fiction. This is romance. This is bullshit and I know it. This is the brainwash I choose. This is how I choose to make amends.
#words #writing #mindwrites @ellowrites