‘Just wait a bit with cleaning.’ my daughter sends me a text after a quick visit to my home and wardrobe. I stare hopelessly into my kitchen. ‘Seriously, God? Anything else?’ I see him nodding, yeah sure just check out your toilet! Even before I had a descent breakfast I have to clean up the shit I couldn’t handle this time.
‘It’s just the side effects of your medication.’ ReboundTextGuy sent a message when he sees I’m not on top of the world anymore. I don’t use that much, just to be able to sleep. ‘Just quit!’ he says. I said I would try but already that same night I laid wide awake, listening to the approaching thunder. It wasn’t a sudden storm. Minute after minute, hour after hour I heard it coming closer to me. As if I was a ten-year-old, I calculated the time between the light and the thunder while slowely the rain started to fall. My bedroomwindow was wide open but I didn’t bother to close it. I closed my eyes and listen how the rage of the thunder and rain flushes the night. ‘Open this window, let the sickness out. Sleep softly, and breathe again. If there’s a way then it’ll find you and help you out. You’re like a circle, there’s no start and no end.’
As if someone opened the doors of Hell, I’m now in the middle of the storm. More rain then the earth can handle, more thunder and lightning as if the world has reached his end. Lightning, Thunder and swishing of the rain. I hear sirenes far away and know something got hit. ‘Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful. ‘Cause it’s not all pitchblack in the back of your mind. So close your eyes, you might see something prettier. You pick a dream right out of the night.’
My own anger and frustration blends with the rage of the storm. Both angry at life and showing it in our own way. The thunder somewhat louder than me because I can’t do much more then lying here quietly listening to the thunder being angry for me. In my mind I’m the conductor of the orchestra and make huge moves to make the thunder and lightning go wilder, harder, faster and make the rain fall louder. ‘It’s enough!’ I tell myself. It’s time for a chance. ‘And change I wish for I will, ’cause it’s gonna work. You can do this, it’s your life. And if you are unhappy about something, stop jerking about. Follow the clouds and dive right in.’
The thunder is slowly moving away and the enormous rainfall changed into somewhat dripping rain like an old man with a prostateproblem. I close my eyes and decide to get back on my feet again. Fight the demons and make the best of the rest. Just once the thunders rolls back to me and I hear one big bang right above my roof, as if the thunder is giving me a high five for getting back on my painfull feet. High Five right back at ya! With a smile I finally fall back to sleep when the sun is already peaking through my window.
‘At least I don’t see any neighbourshit floating around in my toilet.’ I say positively to ReboundTextGuy while I’m staring at my toilet. It’s the next morning, the doors to hell are closed again, my melancholic mood seemed to be washed away and those dreadfull medication will be locked away. While starting to clean up the shit of this weird night, I sarcasticly start humming my fighting song what seems to be the most appropriate song for this task to handle ‘Come Hell, come high water. You push on me I’m going to push back harder. I got a whole lot more than a little bit left.’
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