This post was brought to my attention yesterday with a tap from a friend in the Ellosphere. It brought up a well of emotions for me that I am grateful for. I've been writing and having some truly cleansing tears this morning. I may post some of that writing here later... If you're interested.
The Original Post
A friend brought this post from way back to my attention yesterday with a tap. I was immediately touched by the post content and would like to use part of it here because it still timely. Please excuse the run on sentence!
“It's been a crazy year for myself and my family with a lot of beauty and some terribly painful times. This image reminds me about how precious and delicate life is and how quickly things can change.” Not just for me and mine, but for our entire world.
I’m going to continue to take charge of my life and my direction in it. I’ve been guilty of letting “fear of others” control my actions. I’m not always guilty of this. But I have been, and because of that fear, I’ve lost connections with people in the real world and online that I regret. Regret doesn’t fix things. I’m not trying to do that. I’m trying to say that I can’t live like that anymore.
On March 16, 2015 my mom passed away I was in a fog. It wasn’t drugs or drinking. It was just full on depression. I’ve battled it since I was 4 years old. I made my mother my hero back then. I lived through horrifying experiences as a little kid. I live through that, as many of has are forced to do… and many have suffered worse than what happened to me. I did it by telling myself I was protecting my mom, my sister and my brother.
Self-preservation is an interesting thing. That instinctual aspect of it can save you. Yes. Staying in the fight of flight mode though… That’s the part that becomes a trap. I’ve been trapped.
My heart is big. I really do care about and appreciate people, but I’ve closed myself off with fear and anger. I’ve become a shadow of myself and a shell with only half my humanity intact. It’s a good thing I started out a happy cheerful kid that loved people and music and art… that probably was a life raft for me, but life rafts loose their buoyancy if they aren’t fully functioning.
OK. No more metaphoric stuff for now or I’ll start describing leaves in storms and lighthouses and ships. My point is that now more than ever I realize the importance of being open and vulnerable. I realize the importance of being able to take criticism even if it’s painful. Even if it’s true or untrue.
And I think it’s not JUST ME. We all need and deserve that. How many of us can do that? I’m glad that I see that going on here on Ello. I’m glad that there are people from all walks of life and people who share different beliefs. We don’t hold the same things dear. We don’t all have the same strengths and weaknesses. We aren’t even speaking the same language sometimes. Sometimes the language we’re speaking is not clear and doesn’t fully cover what we’re trying to express. But we can’t work together if we can’t work things out. For me, right now, it starts from inside. It takes time. And it reminds me how precious and delicate life is and how quickly things can change.
I will never again block myself off from anyone (here or elsewhere) without council and careful consideration of my actions.
#resist #beopen #engage #humanity #community #itsaboutme #itsaboutyou #writes_ry #canonphotography_ry