i haven't been writing here. obviously. and i haven't elsewhere either. to say I haven't been motivated would be an understatement. but that's the thing about writing - no one can really help you do it. i get encouraged to write and told how good i am at it (although it's been so long since i've written anything of substance i'm unsure of what anyone would have to base that on besides their love for me) but no one can actually do anything to really help me. no one can actually guide my hand as i try and put pen to paper (even though - at this point - i'm tempted to ask someone to do just that).
the hardest thing is starting, i guess. as much as i want to write and think about writing and plan to do it, i've become a master of talking myself out of it. i get distracted by things that don't matter - and i get lost in my daydreams of both fame and failure - equally fearful of both somehow. it's ridiculous.
but, right now i have a notebook in my bag. and I told myself that i'd scribble things down. i want to write it all down - outlines, thoughts, dialogue, something, anything really. because if i don't - if i don't at least continue to try - i may have to rethink my dream.