I haven't blogged in almost a month, and it's crazy to think how many things can change in so little time. I got a new manager a few weeks ago and things did not start out all that well with him. My grandma had told me that she knew who he was and that he was a womanizer, so I had my guard up instantly. The first week was rough because he came in making a lot of unnecessary changes, cut people's hours, and threatened to fire me because of my septum piercing. My stud in the side of my nose was no big deal, but when it came to the septum, he said it was non-negotiable. I was so upset because my previous manager had zero issues, and I explained that it's more of a hassle to flip it up into my nose rather than just having it out because when it's flipped up I have to constantly readjust it. It was so awkward for the first few days, but I had to tolerate it or lose my job. Ever since then, all of my coworkers and I have to kiss ass just for him to give us more than 30 hours-- I only have 23 this week. I guess I didn't kiss up enough. Ugh, I just can't wait to be away from all these people. The people that stress me out, my family who judge my every move, rude customers, gossipy coworkers. I'm so sick of this town.
Out of the shit job I have, I did finally make a friend. Her name is Dahlia. She is the nicest person I have ever met. I used to think she had feelings for me, but now I feel like I might have feelings for her too. I don't want to ruin what I have with Austin, and I don't want to ruin the friendship Dahlia and I have, but I just can't help but wonder what it's like to kiss a girl. I want to make love to a girl, but I don't even know where to begin.
I have been smoking a lot of cigarettes lately, but I have finally found 'my brand.' Camel No. 9 Menthols, the best damn cigarette--besides Parliament Menthols-- ever made. Unfortunately, due to this new habit of mine, I come home reeking of cigarettes and my car is constantly smelling of tobacco. I absolutely hate the smell of cigarettes, but I can't stop. It helps me get through the day. I've stopped biting my nails though, which is nice. My grandmother has also been finding my lighters all over the house. Whoops. She hasn't said anything to me about it, but I'm sure she assumes that I do, I don't hide it that well. I'm 19, so it's not like it's illegal, but I know how disappointed she would be in me if she did find out.
I really miss my boyfriend. Last weekend was so amazing and I never wanted it to end, but this weekend was the total opposite. He was in a weird mood when I got to his house on Friday and then on Saturday, I was just in a really bad funk all day. I miss him dearly, but I haven't had the energy to text him back much today. He wanted me to have a conversation with Dahlia about how touchy she is. He was really upset about how flirty she was with me, which I guess is understandable, but I was nervous to say anything to her in fear of losing our friendship. When I brought it up in casual conversation, Dahlia didn't seem upset at all, which was good.
Ugh, I know I'm rambling, but I just can't even get a grip on things anymore. My heads are so often in the clouds and it's hard to even put the words in order. I have so much to say in my head, but when it actually comes to saying it, I can't get my mouth to work right. My hands can barely even type what I want to say without fumbling every two minutes and constantly hitting the delete button.