A VERY ANGRY POST: AM I MAKING ENOUGH OF A DIFFERENCE?
I'm angry because it doesn't seem like I'm doing enough, for myself and for those whom I love and for the world (which is actually a step-up from feeling miserable, as anger usually spurs me to action). Why am I feeling this way? Because of two things.
One, I just finished reading When God Was a Woman by Merlin Stone, and two, I got on Twitter and got sucked into reading news about GOP's vote on replacing Obamacare with the new healthcare law which will neglect those who have preexisting health conditions, those who are poor, and those who are old, and will create tax breaks for the rich. This is what I glimpsed without diving deeply into it and spending time on understanding what the hell is going on, so don't take my word for it and read it for yourself. And this is why it made me angry.
To understand how this will impact me, as an artist, as a low-income earner, as a woman—I'd have to spend time away from writing and read about the laws that were passed on by a bunch of white Christian men who basically see me as a second sort—you know, fashioned from Adam's rib—and so that means I'm fucked—as an artist, as a low-income earner, and as a woman. I'm on Medicaid, and I'm not making enough money to be able to afford medical insurance that's being proposed (I'd have to read more about it to know for sure how it'll impact me).
And this made me even more angry, because these men, who act in the name of the religion that's based on shaming the very act of creating human life by calling it a sin—a bloody sterility cult, in other words—these men partake in politics that keep women in check by glorifying female virginity and double-standard female fidelity, to make sure that their money pass along to their children via a patrilineal line. This myth, this story that some very clever men wrote into the Bible, and made sure it's the first story one read, have turned nature inside out by proclaiming it was women who were born of men, not the other way around, and it was women who caused the downfall of humanity. Does this lie remind you of something? Bingo. Politics. The whole thing was designed for political reasons: to keep the wealth and the power in male hands.
I was weeping angry tears when I thought about the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my father, and the neglect and the verbal abuse from most of my family (by being yelled at and told I'm no good and reminded that my eyes shift strangely which means I have prostitute genes—I wish I was kidding) which was the direct result of the political persecution of early female religions some six thousand years ago, when women were revered as the givers of life (as women were the ones who were bearing children) and the act of sex was worshipped as holy. Indeed it is—it's how we fucking get to exist.
I was so angry, I shook, because it seemed to me I'm not doing enough to bring about a change.