We spend our nights together in the passenger seat of his car, his limbs and mine tangled together so intricately that it is always difficult to tell where I end and he begins. His warmth surrounds us both under his thick handmade blanket, and this is where I'm most content. His arms are around me, his heart is softly thumping against my ear, and the rise and fall of his chest lightly sways my body with its movement. The outside world and the problems it holds still exist - but not to us. Not right now.
The street lamp above us just barely illuminates our surroundings, filling the car with just the slightest yellow hue. Just enough for us to see outside clearly, but also just enough to see each other in the relative darkness. We hide from the world in plain view of it, easily found in a place where no one would think to look. My own piece of heaven in a parking lot, a place of peace in a world of chaos.
My eyes open and find him, and though his own are closed I feel his thoughts swirling around us like a gentle breeze. My fingers sneak away from the blanket to gently brush the stubble on his cheek and my lips steal a quick touch from his skin. The breeze settles and his eyes open to meet mine. His gaze, though soft, is all-seeing - viewing parts of me that I never intend to show. It should make me feel vulnerable, and at times I do, but in this moment I feel comforted by it. I feel accepted. Understood. Loved, perhaps. All feelings remain unspoken, but are ever so tangible in the air around us. My flaws are seen, but not judged and his imperfections are known, yet accepted.
We are here together, two broken vessels. We are unable to fix ourselves, incapable of fixing each other, and so we remain here in acceptance of one another. Finding beauty in our sharp edges despite having our skin broken by the other's shards from time to time.
His hand finds mine beneath the blanket and our fingers link together. It is then that I find it suitable to break the silence. I urge my lips to open and my voice to whisper across the inches between us.
"I love you." He inhales deeply and lets out a sigh, his free hand running along my back.
"I know. I feel it." It's not quite the response I was hoping for, but I know why it's the one I get. I swallow thickly and fight back against the wave of emotion that threatens to overtake me. I know how he feels... or at least I think I do. He has confessed a handful of times when alcohol urged him to be open and honest, and the fact that he's here with me in this moment says plenty. He could be somewhere - anywhere else. Somewhere warmer. Somewhere more comfortable than being entangled with me in this tiny car seat in this tiny car. But he's here, and right now that could be enough. I look away from his gaze in an attempt to hide my reaction, but his hand moves faster as he releases mine to hold my face. Before I know what's happening he's kissing me, and just that easily every doubt I had slipped away. Just that suddenly every thought in my mind was about his lips. His touch as his fingers slip beneath my shirt to brush along my skin - every inch of its surface lighting a fire beneath his fingertips.
My heart begins to race as the kiss becomes more desperate, my hands reaching for his face - his neck - his chest - every and any part of him that I can reach. And that's all it takes. The car's windows begin to fog from are heat, providing us with more privacy as articles of clothing are removed until we both lay bare for each other. He buries himself inside of me and a moan escapes my throat before I can stop it. But I don't want to. Neither of us holds back even though we know that we're easy to find. It adds to the excitement as we push our bodies closer and closer to a climax - and when it comes it's glorious. Tremors wrack my frame and he pulls me impossibly closer as we try to catch our breath, mostly unsuccessfully for a few minutes.
Soon enough we're right back to where we started, my head resting on his chest and his arms enveloping me beneath the blanket. As we come down from the high we fall silent again and exhaustion takes over. I allow it to pull me under as I fall into a deep, comfortable sleep.
#writing #momentsinthenight #iloveyou #iknow